


hearts and wrists intact

by tiffaniesblews



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst and Feels, Arranged Marriage, F/M, Minor Mai/Zuko, Nightmares, Not Canon Compliant, Past Aang/Katara (Avatar), Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Present Tense, Rating may go up, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:40:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 33,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26704636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiffaniesblews/pseuds/tiffaniesblews
Summary: After yet another failed assassination attempt, the Fire Sages urge Fire Lord Zuko to marry. Zuko, now twenty three, vehemently disagrees, but knows that it may be best. He and Mai have been on and off for the past six years, though he's hidden that piece of information from the public. The Fire Sages, on the other hand, are aware of Zuko's tumultuous relationship with Mai and encourage Zuko to marry her.Feeling conflicted, Zuko writes to Katara, who has been traveling the world alone for the past year after her break up with Aang. Confused about her own feelings, Katara is willing to help Zuko with his dilemma.Bringing the two of them together only causes more problems as old feelings are brought to the surface.
Relationships: Katara & Sokka (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Toph Beifong & Katara
Comments: 175
Kudos: 451





	1. two out of three

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes you write so many modern AUs you feel the need to write non-comic compliant fics. This fic is also the first time I've written in present tense, so it's definitely an experiment. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> I do not own A:TLA, all rights belong to Nickelodeon. Title comes from Fall Out Boy's "I'm Like a Lawyer With the Way I'm Always Trying to Get You Off (Me and You)".

Assassination attempts are just part of the job of being Fire Lord. Zuko knows this as he was told years ago right after he was crowned. Still, three failed assassination attempts within two years was not something that Zuko had been expecting when he was crowned almost six years ago.

What is unbelievable is that six years have passed since the end of the Hundred Year War and yet there were still Ozai supporters, those who still wish Ozai reigned in the Fire Nation to spread lies and fear to the hearts of other nations. These are the same people who are unhappy with Zuko for his work on Restorations, his work with Aang to help rebuild both the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom. Surely, that is causing unrest within his nation. 

Luckily, or maybe unluckily Zuko thinks, the most recent assassination attempt failed so miserably, that Zuko walked away without a scratch or even a realization that he was almost killed. 

Now, he’s sitting in the Council Room, surrounded by Fire Sages and Councilmen and women alike, trying to determine the next course of action. 

“Three attempts in two years, your highness,” a council member states. “We cannot risk your life once again.”

“No, what we must do is come up with a plan,” a Fire Sage adds, stroking his beard thoughtfully.

“And what do you suggest we do, Shyu?” Zuko asks, staring at the older man. Shyu has remained loyal to Zuko since the beginning, turning away from Ozai soon after Aang’s reappearance to the world. There is no one Zuko trusts more.

“I may have a suggestion,” adds another Fire Sage, another older man named Nyahitha. 

“What do you suggest?” asks Min, an older woman with kind eyes who Zuko tends to look at for help during these types of meetings. “We need to keep him safe.”

“My suggestion is that Fire Lord Zuko marry,” Nyahitha suggests. “And once he marries, he may produce an heir to the throne.”

Zuko blinks at Nyahitha, his thoughts beginning to blur. Shyu looks at Zuko, sensing the discomfort in the young man. 

“You think marriage will solve this problem?” a councilman asks, barking with laughter. 

“If something were to happen to his highness, at least we have an heir to the throne,” Nyahitha continues. “Do you disagree with me?”

Other council members look at each other, nodding agreement.

“No,” Zuko states, standing up. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea right now.”

“Your highness, you are twenty three years old,” Min says, giving Zuko an apologetic smile. “In most Nations, the marrying age for royalty is as young as sixteen.”

“I am aware of the customs,” Zuko snaps, sitting back down. “I just don’t understand how  _ that  _ is your solution.”

“Well, what would happen to the nation if you were to die?” Shyu asks Zuko, his eyes pleading. “If there’s no heir, who does the throne go to?”

“My sister,” Zuko reponds, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Yes, I understand the problem, I guess.”

“Exactly!” Nyahitha exclaims, hitting his hand off the table. “We must find you a suitable match then.”

Zuko groans, putting his face in his hands. “An arranged marriage?”

“So it may seem,” another councilwoman states, nodding her head wisely. 

“We can scour the nation, find the most suitable nobles,” another suggests.

Zuko groans again.

“What is it, your highness?” Min asks him gently. 

“Whatever happened to marrying for love?” Zuko asks, looking up from his hands at the members surrounding him. “My mother and father surely did not marry for love. Nor my grandfather and grandmother.”

“Do you have someone in mind?” Nyahith asks, giving Zuko a questioning look. 

Zuko’s heart seizes in his chest. No, there is no one he can think of. Well, maybe  _ one _ .

“What about Mai?” Shyu suggests. “You and her…?”

“I don’t think that is a… correct match,” Zuko interjects, holding his hand up. “Our relationship has never been steady, we continuously fight on and off again, I just don’t think we’re ready for that step.”

“You and Mai might have a tumultuous relationship,” Nyahith exclaims. “But right now, if you want a say in your future, she may be the best option you have.”

Zuko sighs, knowing the Fire Sage is correct. 

“At least think about it?” Min asks Zuko. “We do not need an answer right now.”

Zuko takes a deep breath, looking up at Min then at Shyu. He nods, but he’s not sure if he is actually agreeing with what he has been told to do.

“We’re dismissed,” Zuko states, standing up. “I’ll think about your proposal.”

The council members and Fire Sages all nod before getting up and making their way out of the Council Room. Zuko stays where he is, watching everyone converge at the door and slowly pour out of the room. 

Shyu remains, walking over to the young Fire Lord and placing a comforting hand on Zuko’s shoulder.

“We know this is not what you wanted to hear,” Shyu says gently. “But maybe it is for the best.”

Zuko just nods as Shyu removes his hand and walks away. 

Once everyone is gone, Zuko sits back down, face in his hands once again. Marriage? Heirs? Zuko hasn’t thought of any of this. All he cares about are his people and restoring peace in the world. Why is that not enough? Why is his nation unravelling? Where did the Ozai supporters crawl out from, and why did they choose  _ now  _ to do so? Everything was going well, the alliance between the Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom slowly forming.

Unable to think anymore, Zuko finally stands up and makes his way out of the room. He lets his feet guide him towards the courtyard, towards the bench that sits next to the turtleduck pond where he takes a seat. The pond is still, unlike Zuko’s mind that swims with different possibilities of the future. 

For the first time in a long time, Zuko is unsure of what to do. 

* * *

Katara bolts upright in bed, shaking away the terrors that somehow crept into her mind. Wiping away sweat from her brow, she looks around the room trying to adjust to the dark around her. As one usually does when they are somewhere new, Katara racks her brain to try and remember where she is. 

That’s right, she is in an inn in Gaoling where she has been visiting Toph and her family. Usually, Katara would have accepted the Beifong’s offer to stay with them, but recently, Katara has felt as though she must be alone. The nightmares she has been having are just another excuse. 

Slowly, Katara gets up out of bed and makes her way towards the open window where moonlight was pouring into the room. Leaning up against the window frame, she looks up and takes a deep breath in. 

“Hello, Yue,” Katara whispers. “It’s been a long night.”

The moon doesn’t reply, not that Katara expects her to. 

It’s been a year since she and Aang broke up. It was more mutual than anything, though sometimes Katara thinks it might have been more her doing than Aang’s. There were points in their relationship where Aang expected Katara to follow him, to help him restore the world. But Katara felt that there was more to her destiny, and she was afraid that Aang was not part of it. At the time, being with Aang was comfortable and easy, exactly what she expected it to be. Though as time ticked on, Katara found herself becoming restless in her relationship, and wanting to do more with what she was given. 

So she told Aang she was ending it. She said that there was more to her destiny than following him around to fix the world as he pleases. Hopefully, she wasn’t as harsh as she sounded. While she expected Aang to fight with her, to beg her to stay, instead he looked at her with those deep grey eyes of his, sadness written all over them, and told her it was okay. It seemed that Aang had been feeling the same way.

A year later, Katara has been all over the world finding different ways to help those in need. A healing hut in the corner of the Earth Kingdom, helping to solve a drought in a colony, heading to the North Pole as an ambassador. Katara found herself doing more than she had in years, and yet, she still felt lost. 

Now, she stands at the windowsill, eyes closed as she bathes in the moonlight. Toph is in the room next door, wanting to keep Katara company at the inn. She figures she could wake Toph, tell the younger girl about her nightmares, but she decides against it. Instead, Katara waits for Yue to answer her prayer. 

“I feel lost, Yue,” Katara whispers, finally opening her eyes. “I’ve been all over the world, but I still don’t know what my purpose is. I helped the Avatar end the war, I helped bring peace to the world, and yet, that’s not enough. Yue, please help me.”

The moon stays silent, mocking Katara in a way. 

“What do I do?” Katara repeats to herself, tears sliding down her face. 

When she still receives no answer, Katara steps away from the window, closing the shutters and making her way back to the bed. She lies there, staring at the ceiling, trying to will herself to sleep. 

Once she finally feels her eyes turn heavy, Katara hopes the nightmares don’t come. 

But the lightning still comes. The lightning always comes. 


	2. me and you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko writes to Katara requesting her help with his problem.

The next day, Zuko sits in his office staring at the paperwork piled on his desk. He rubs his eye wearily, trying to keep himself awake.

The night before, Zuko tossed and turned in bed, trying to forget what the Fire Sages decided for him. Instead, Zuko stayed awake all night, the moon his only companion. 

Now, he is expected to file through new bills that were proposed to him and think about possibly getting married. So much for a twenty three year old to be thinking about. Zuko isn’t sure how he’s supposed to focus with all that’s on his mind right now. 

Usually, Zuko would turn to his Uncle, but Iroh is currently in Ba Sing Se running his tea shop. Zuko is sure his Uncle will also agree with the Council and Fire Sages, urging him to accept the responsibility. But this is not what Zuko wants. At least, not yet.

Sighing, Zuko pushes the paperwork aside and finds a blank page among the stack of parchment on his desk. He grabs the brush next to him, dipping it in the ink. Zuko thinks for a bit, trying to decide who exactly he wants to share this information with.

Of course, he knows exactly what he wants to tell, the only problem is he’s not sure she would like to hear. 

It was no secret Zuko always harbored feelings for Katara. Everyone could sense it, yet neither said anything to each other and by the time the war was over, Katara seemed to move on, beginning her relationship with Aang. 

Though that ended, Zuko remembers. Katara had sent him a letter telling Zuko exactly what happened and what she would be doing now that she was free to roam the world herself. Zuko never knows where Katara is exactly, but based on a recent letter from Toph, it seems Katara is now in Gaoling. 

Thus, that is where Zuko addresses his letter. 

_ Katara, _

_ I hope you are doing well on your travels. From what I hear, you are making quite the splash in the Earth Kingdom. Even as Fire Lord I hear of your generous acts. Know that I’m proud of you. _

_ I am writing to you because I have a dilemma, though I don’t know if it is something that I want to write down on paper. It’s only been a day, but already I can feel this problem eating away inside me. I don’t know what to do, and I would like your advice. You always do give the best advice.  _

_ I don’t know where you plan to go next, but I would like you to come to the Fire Nation, to Caldera City. Of course, you won’t just be helping me, there is plenty here that you can do if you so please. Then again, if you don’t want to come here, I will come to you. I don’t know if that sounds desperate, but I need you, Katara. Now more than ever.  _

_ Hopefully this letter doesn’t sound too crazy, but please let me know what you decide. I miss you, Katara. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you.  _

_ With love,  _

_ Zuko  _

Zuko rereads the letter to himself, wincing at how desperate he sounds. Then again, Zuko is desperate and he needs Katara’s help. 

Placing the page back on his desk, Zuko places a hand on his chest where his scar resides. The angry red scar on his chest had always been a point of contention between him and Mai. 

A few months after the end of the war, after he and Mai got back together, Mai pointed to Zuko’s chest knowing exactly what lay beneath his tunic. 

“Why did you do it?” she had asked. She didn’t sound angry or hurt, just confused, sad. 

“I don’t think you will understand,” was Zuko’s response. 

“Help me understand then,” Mai told him.

But Zuko never did. He never knew how to make her understand why exactly he jumped. 

As the years passed, Mai would sometimes try and have Zuko tell her, but the response was always the same: “I don’t think you will understand.”

He and Mai are currently “off” again, though Zuko isn’t sure what caused them to fight this time. At this point, Zuko stopped keeping track. He can tell the Fire Sages why a marriage to Mai would not end well for either of them, but he knows they will not care. Why would they? 

Zuko stands up, gently rolling the letter up and sealing it closed. He’ll just have to wait and see what Katara says. 

* * *

A week later, Toph and Katara are exploring Gaoling together on a rare day off. It’s not really exploring for Toph, but the younger girl knows just how to make Katara feel better.

“Have you still been having trouble sleeping?” Toph asks Katara as they walk by a fruit vendor. 

“Yes, I have been,” Katara sighs, walking over the vendor and picking some fruits. “I don’t know why.”

“Sugar Queen, how long have you been having nightmares?” Toph asks, crossing her arms. 

“I don’t know,” Katara lies, paying the vendor and turning towards Toph.

The younger girl frowns. “You’re lying, Katara.” 

“Fine, they’ve been going on for years now,” Katara sighs, picking up the basket now full of fruits and starting to walk again.

“Years?” Toph asks, falling into step next to Katara.

Katara nods. “Yes. Soon before the end of the war. I dreamt of so many awful scenarios, terrible outcomes of the war.”

“But the war’s been over for six years, Katara,” Toph tells her. “Why are you still having nightmares?”

“I don’t know,” Katara says. “I still dream about everything going wrong. I still dream about that day.”

Toph is quiet after that, which is unusual for her. Usually, Toph has an answer for everything, a wisecrack to try and make Katara laugh. 

“You’re judging me,” Katara exclaims, looking down at Toph despite the fact that she cannot see her.

“No,” Toph says. “Zuko saved you, Katara. Why are you still worried?”

Katara doesn’t have a reply for this. Instead, she continues through the market, Toph still beside her. 

“Have they been continuous?” Toph finally asks as they exit the market and start heading towards the Beifong estate. 

“They stopped for a while,” Katara admits. “Well, they would come and go every few months. Then once I broke up with Aang…”

“They’ve been more consistent,” Toph finishes for her. 

“When did you become so wise, Toph?” Katara asks, giving Toph an affectionate elbow to the arm. 

“You being here helped,” Toph grins. “I’m just trying to help you, Katara, that’s all.” 

“I appreciate that,” Katara states, her love for Toph growing slightly. 

“Well, you always helped me, might as well return the favor,” Toph teases, causing Katara to laugh. 

They continue walking, Toph now placing a hand on Katara’s elbow.

“I heard from Aang,” Toph tells Katara. “He’s doing well.”

“That’s good to hear,” Katara replies, happy with the information. “Has he said anything about me?”

Toph shakes her head. “No. Or if he did, whoever read the letter to me is a dirty liar.” 

This causes Katara to laugh again, her head thrown back joyfully. 

“No, he didn’t say anything about you,” Toph replies, grinning. “I can ask him how he’s feeling when I reply back, though.”

“Only if you want to,” Katara answers. 

Toph thinks about this a bit, eyebrows furrowed. “Yes, I want to. I like checking in on Twinkle Toes.”

Katara does not reply. She and Toph reach the Beifong estate, entering through the large gates.

“I can’t believe I found myself back here,” Toph says as they walk down the decorative walkway, shaking her head.

“I never thanked you for doing this,” Katara states. “You didn’t have to drop everything you were doing to come to Gaoling just because I was lonely.” 

“Yes I did, Sugar Queen,” Toph replies. “But you’re welcome.”

As they walk through the front door, a servant greets them, bowing low. 

“Greetings Miss Beifong, Master Katara,” the servant says, now standing up straight. “Shall I take this from you?”

Katara nods and hands the servant her basket. “I’ll be taking it back to the inn, but if you don’t mind storing it in the kitchen for the time being.”

“Of course, Master Katara,” the servant replies. 

Toph takes Katara’s hand and leads her deeper into the house. They pass the living room and Toph’s father’s office, where Lao Beifong is going over some files. He looks up when he hears the girls pass.

“Master Katara,” Lao calls out. 

Katara pauses, her hand still in Toph’s. 

“There’s a letter here for you,” Lao says, holding up a roll of parchment in his hand. 

“Oh, okay,” Katara replies, letting go of Toph’s hand and making her way into the office to take the parchment. 

“I believe it is from the Fire Nation,” Lao continues. “It came on a messenger hawk not too long ago. You were still at the market.” 

“I-thank you,” Katara stammers, glancing at the letter in her hand. The seal of the royal family glares at her.

“Of course,” is all Lao says before turning his attention back to his files.

Katara leaves the office, heart on her sleeve. Toph is leaning against the wall, no doubt listening in to the conversation. 

“Sparky?” she asks Katara, eyebrows raised. 

“I think so,” Katara replies, still staring at the seal. 

“Hmm,” Toph hums, pushing against the wall and continuing making her way down the hall. 

She leads Katara towards her childhood bedroom where the two girls sit cross legged on the floor across from each other.

“When was the last time you heard from Fire Lord Sparky?” Toph asks, picking at her feet. 

“A few months,” Katara replies, gripping the letter in her hand. 

“And when was the last time you  _ saw  _ him?” 

“Three, four years,” Katara exclaims. 

Toph lets out a deep sigh. “You were still with Aang.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Katara asks, somewhat defensively. 

Toph holds her hands up in peace. “Nothing. Just saying.”

Katara glances back at the letter in her hand. She and Zuko were close, closer than any two people who were dating other people could be. They had stayed in touch after the war, writing to each other in times of need. Unfortunately, once responsibilities started to become too much, the two slowly began to fall out of touch. Letters are no longer as frequent as they once were, which is why Katara is surprised about the letter in her hand. 

Taking a deep breath, Katara opens the letter, reading the symbols on the page. To her, it sounds like Zuko needs her help.

“Well, what does it say?” Toph asks, leaning back on her hands. “I can hear you opening the parchment and I can feel your heart beating a mile per minute.” 

“He needs my help,” Katara says, staring at the words on the page. “He needs  _ me _ .”

“What does that mean?” 

“He’s asking me to go to the Fire Nation,” Katara states, finally placing the letter on the floor in front of her. “Or, if I say no, that he’ll come to me.”

“What, is he desperate?” Toph asks, shaking her head. “What could he need you for?”

That’s a good question. Whatever he needed her for, Zuko didn’t say, but he sounded like he was truly struggling with something. 

“He wants to tell me in person,” Katara says instead. 

“So, are you going?” Toph sits up, cocking her head at Katara’s direction. 

“It’s been so long,” Katara muses, turning her head so that she was looking out of the window. She wonders what Zuko is up to right now.

“I say you go,” Toph exclaims. “And bring me with you. I miss Sparky.”

Katara chuckles. “I’m sure he misses you as well.”

“Well? Are we going then?” Toph repeats, raising her eyebrows. “Or, you know, just you. Because he did write the letter to you.”

Katara picks up the letter again, sifting through her thoughts as she reread Zuko’s request. It had been years since she saw Zuko, and she does miss him dearly. She’s also sure that Zuko will be glad to see Toph as well, knowing that the two developed a sibling like relationship years ago.

“Why not,” Katara says finally. “I’ll write to him letting him know we’re coming. We can leave in a few days and hopefully our letter gets to him before we do.”

Toph stands up, punching the air. “Yeah! Road trip!”

Katara laughs again and stands up, rolling the parchment back up. 

“We should probably head back to the inn, then,” Toph says, stretching her arms up. “Get packing.”

“Think your dad can get us a boat for the trip?” Katara asks. 

Toph nods. “Sure he can. Let’s go ask him now.”

The two girls tell Lao of their plans, Lao saying he will find them a captain to make the voyage to the Fire Nation. For the rest of the day, they make plans on what to bring and what supplies they’ll need for the trip. 

By the time they get back to the inn, each heading to their respective rooms, it is night and the moon hangs in the air. 

Like she did a week ago, Katara heads to the window, looking up at the almost crescent moon. 

“Hello again, Yue,” Katara says. “When I asked you about my purpose last week, is this what you meant?” 

The moon says nothing.

“I rise with the moon,” Katara whispers to herself, stepping away from the window and closing the shutters. 

The candle in the room flickered slightly, causing shadows to jump. 

“He rises with the sun,” Katara finishes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're all enjoying so far ❤️


	3. bulletproof loneliness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shyu suggests that Zuko tell Mai of the Fire Sage's plan just in case.

Zuko isn’t sure how he’s avoided more Council meetings, but he has. That is, until Shyu finds him hiding out in his office, piles of papers in front of him that act as a sort of barricade.

“Your highness, what are you doing?” Shyu asks, walking into the office and taking a seat across from Zuko at his desk. 

“Avoiding my responsibilities,” Zuko answers honestly, earning him a chuckle from Shyu. 

“You still have not come to an answer, have you?” Shyu asks. 

Zuko shakes his head. “No. I’ve barely thought about it.”

“How come, Zuko?” Shyu asks. Usually, all Fire Sages refer to Zuko by his title, but throughout the years, Zuko has come to see Shyu as more of a mentor than anything. Shyu reminds him of Uncle Iroh in a way. 

“I need help,” Zuko tells him. “And not from the Fire Sages or my Council. I need advice from someone I trust.”

“Like who?” Shyu strokes his beard as he looks at Zuko, his eyes kind. 

“I… have a friend,” Zuko explains. “I trust her above everyone else.”

“The Southern Water Tribe girl?” Shyu asks, lifting an eyebrow. “I remember her from last time. Actually, I remember her from the Temple all those years ago.”

Zuko doesn’t want to know how Shyu knows him so well. “Yes, her.”

Shyu sighs deeply, placing his hands on his knees. “Fire Lord Zuko, the Council is going to want Fire Nation nobility on the throne next to you.”

“I assumed that was the case,” Zuko replies, rubbing his temples. “I just want to hear what she says, that’s all.”

Shyu studied Zuko before standing up. “You must make the choice that is right for you of course. But, I do advise you to discuss this with Mai as well.”

“Why?” 

“Before any of the Council members get to her first,” Shyu warns. “Better for her to hear this from you than them.”

Zuko nods in agreement, knowing in his heart he will have to make a decision soon. 

“Go to her,” Shyu advises. “Tell her before it’s too late.”

He leaves Zuko alone with his thoughts. Zuko looks around his office, at the papers on his desk, of the picture of his mother hanging on the wall. Making a decision, he gets up and makes his way out of the office.

Mai is home today. He knows this because her father had reached out to him earlier about possibly meeting over a colony he once oversaw; he also slipped in the fact that it may be nice for the Fire Lord to make an appearance in his home as his daughter was finally gracing the house with her presence. 

The walk to Mai’s isn’t far, and yet the Kyoshi Warriors assigned to protect Zuko stay close to his side. Zuko glances at the elite warriors beside him, realizing he barely knew any of them. At one point, Suki and Ty Lee acted as his guards, but they’ve both moved on to better things. Suki is now with Sokka in the South Pole, Ty Lee back on Kyoshi Island training new recruits. Zuko sighs in resignation as he approaches the house, looking up the stairs at the doors.

“I can handle it from here,” he tells the Kyoshi Warriors who just bow in return. 

Slowly, he makes his way up the stairs, pausing in front of the door. Taking a deep breath, he lifts his hand and gives a gentle knock on the door. A servant opens the door not even a minute later.

“Fire Lord Zuko,” the servant says, eyes wide with surprise. “What shall I do for you?”

“I’m here to see Mai, if you will,” Zuko replies.

The servant bows and moves aside, allowing Zuko into the entryway. Zuko stands there awkwardly, looking around and wondering where Mai is.

“She’s in her bedroom,” the servant says, as if reading Zuko’s mind. “Shall I fetch her?”

“Yes, please,” Zuko answers.

The servant gives him yet another bow before walking away. Since he was not told to sit down, Zuko stands in the middle of the room, shifting from left to right anxiously. His palms feel sweaty and he wipes them on the side of his robes. It occurs to him as he stands there with nothing to do that he actually has no idea how he’s going to tell Mai. Is he proposing right now? Or is he just making her aware of the situation?

He’s so deep in thought he doesn’t even see Mai slowly descend the stairs and make her way towards him.

“What do you want?” she asks, standing in front of him and crossing her arms. 

“I just need to talk to you,” Zuko replies, feeling his face turn hot. “I know you’re mad at me, but-”

“ _ Mad _ ?” Mai exclaims, arching an eyebrow. “Zuko, you’re the one who said your Fire Lord duties were more important than me and my happiness.”

Zuko feels himself turn hotter, glancing down at his feet as Mai looks at him with daggers in his eyes.

“So, yeah, I’m a little mad,” Mai continues. “What, are you here to apologize?”

“Something like that,” Zuko mutters, closing his eyes. 

“I’m waiting then,” Mai states, tapping her foot.

Zuko opens his eyes and looks up at her, their eyes meeting. She raises an eyebrow.

“I need to tell you something, and I really don’t know how to tell you,” Zuko begins. “There was an attempt on my life again recently and-”

“Wait, another one?” Mai interrupts, her eyes no longer cold and unwelcoming. Now they are filled with concern, the storm clouds slowly drifting away.

“I thought you knew,” Zuko states, nodding his head at her. “Yes, there was one a couple of weeks ago. Third one in just two years.”

“Why would I know that?” Mai snaps, taking a step towards Zuko. “You never tell me anything.”

“I’m sorry,” Zuko replies, rubbing the back of his neck. “I just… thought you knew.”

Mai just scoffs and motions for Zuko to continue. 

“Well, this recent assassination attempt as caused the Fire Sages and my council to…. Consider my future,” Zuko says. 

“What about your future?” Mai asks him, taking another step closer. 

Zuko does his best to stay rooted in place and not take a step back. 

“They’re worried that if something happens to me, no one will be there to take the throne,” Zuko tells her. “Or, well, my sister will, but we know that can’t happen.”

Mai scoffs again, but doesn’t say anything. 

“They want an heir, and, well, before that I need to marry,” Zuko continues, feeling Mai’s eyes wander over him. 

“So?” she asks.

“It would have to be an arranged marriage,” Zuko says, “unless there is someone else I would… prefer.” 

Mai raises her eyebrows, biting the inside of her cheek.

“They suggested you,” Zuko states, turning bright red. “And, well, if I have to choose between someone I never met and you, I think I’d go with the latter.”

“So, what, are you asking me to marry you right now?” Mai snaps, now turning away from Zuko to walk away. “That’s rich.”

Zuko reaches out and grabs Mai’s wrist, pulling her to him. 

“Let go of me,” she retorts, shaking him off her.

Zuko does what he’s told. “Mai, please listen.”

Mai takes a deep breath and turns around, the storm back in her eyes. “What?”

“I’m not proposing,” Zuko tells her. “I’ve been putting this whole thing off for a few weeks now. Shyu told me it would be best that you hear of this plan from me rather than a Fire Sage.”

“Well, I guess that’s fair,” Mai replies, turning her head slightly so that she wasn’t looking at him.

“Mai, I know we have our ups and downs, and that sometimes we fight a lot,” Zuko says, taking a step closer and taking one of her hands in his. When she doesn’t shake him off, he continues. “I still care deeply about you, love you even.”

“Do you?” 

“Yes,” Zuko replies. “If it comes down to it, I would like to make this work. Only, of course, if you agree.”

Mai finally looks at him, squinting her eyes at him as if deep in thought.

“You can say no,” he tells her. “I would understand.”

“Am I allowed to think this through?” she asks, letting out a hot breath. “Or am I just going to be told this is what’s going to happen? Because, no offense Zuko, I do love you as well, but being a glorified baby maker is not something I want.”

Zuko sighs at that. “Yeah, I hate that too. I’m sorry that’s how the Council is viewing this.”

“So, can I think about it?” she repeats. 

Zuko nods. “Yes, take all the time you need. Nothing has been decided yet.”

“There’s one thing though,” she tells him, shaking her hand out of his.

“Anything.”

Mai slowly raises her hand, pointing towards Zuko’s chest. “Why did you do it?”

Always a point of contention. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a great weekend everyone ❤️


	4. last year's wishes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko does his best to explain why he jumped. 
> 
> Katara and Toph are on their way to the Fire Nation.

How does one explain the inner mechanisms of the heart? 

How does one bare his soul to another, going into detail about how maybe, just maybe, he is in love with someone that is not them?

How does one explain that when met with the opportunity to confront Death in a split second, he chose not to hesitate, to greet Death like an old friend in order to spare the life of someone he had grown to care about?

For once, the excuse ‘you wouldn’t understand’ will not work for Zuko. He knows this, too, because he struggles to find the words to answer Mai’s simple question. A simple question with a difficult answer. He breathes deeply, closing his eyes once again to ignore Mai’s glare.

“Why did you do it?” she repeats. “And don’t give me that bullshit line about how I won’t understand. Maybe I won’t, but you need to tell me to  _ help  _ me understand.”

Zuko opens his eyes and looks at her. “Why?”

“Because that  _ hurt,  _ Zuko,” Mai admits. “It hurt that you never told me what happened. You went through so much, and changed to become a better man, and I just want to understand.”

“What happened is that Azula broke the rules of the Agni Kai and aimed for Katara with the intent to hill her,” Zuko explains as gently as he can. “I couldn’t just let her die, Mai.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?” Zuko asks, blinking in surprise. “Because she didn’t deserve to die because Azula hated me.”

“No, why did Azula break the rules?” Mai clarifies. “She could have won.” 

“Maybe,” Zuko answers. 

“You’re still not going to tell me, are you?” Mai asks, shaking her head and crossing her arms. “Even if I agree to this plan to marry you, to bear you heirs that apparently this nation so desperately needs, you will always be in love with another.”

Zuko is silent at that. Mai is right and it’s not fair. 

“I’ll think about what you told me,” Mai tells him. “But you need to make sure that your head and your heart are clear. I know you love me, Zuko, and I love you, but we both know it’s not the type of love that will last.”

“Unless we make that happen,” Zuko offers. 

“Perhaps,” Mai replies. “Azula miscalculated all those years ago. I loved you more than I feared her. You cared more about Katara than you did your nation, your crown, and your life. This is something that will need work.”

Zuko doesn’t say anything as Mai approaches him, placing a hand on Zuko’s unscarred cheek. 

“I’ll think about it,” she tells him again. 

Her hand drops from his face and she turns around, making her way back towards the stairs. At the foot of the stairs, she looks back at Zuko.

“Bye, Zuko,” she says. 

Zuko gives a small wave before turning around and heading back to the front door. Once he opens it and leaves the house, the two Kyoshi Warriors who accompanied him on the walk approach him. 

“Are you ready to head back to the palace, your highness?” one asks him, head cocked slightly to the left.

“Lead the way,” Zuko replies. 

He falls into step behind the Kyoshi Warriors, approaching the palace slowly. Zuko hopes one of the Fire Sages, or even one of the Council members, aren’t waiting for him. What if one watched Zuko head to Mai’s house, assuming he went over to propose? Zuko’s heart begins pounding as he walks through the palace doors, but he soon relaxes when no one confronts him. 

“I’m good here, thank you,” he tells the warriors, who just bow slightly and walk away. 

As Zuko makes his way down the halls, one of his servants approaches him. 

“Sir, a letter came addressed to you,” the servant says, holding the letter out for Zuko. 

Zuko takes it and thanks the servant, who bows in return before walking away. When he looks down, Zuko notices the flying boar on the seal: the Beifong estate.

Quickly, Zuko tears open the letter, his eyes falling on Katara’s name on the bottom of the parchment. It takes everything in his power to not read the letter right then and there. Instead, he folds it back up carefully and makes his way towards his quarters, deciding to read the letter in the comfort of silence and privacy.

Once in his quarters, he sits on his bed, opening the letter again. 

_ Zuko, _

_ Traveling the world looking for work to be done is truly rewarding, but there times I still feel as if I’m lost. More and more I find myself talking to Yue, asking her if there’s something out there. I know she doesn’t really answer, the moon just mocks me instead, but it’s comforting to know she’s looking out for me sometimes. _

_ In a way, it seems like she has answered me though. I’ll be happy to help you and the Fire Nation in any way that I can. I hope that together we can solve your problem or, if for some reason we cannot, I can help you find peace with a solution. From what you wote, it sounds very important.  _

_ I hope you don’t mind I’m bringing Toph with me. She misses you, and I think having her in the Fire Nation will help put you at ease as well. We should be there in about a week's time; I hope this letter makes it to you before we do! Don’t do anything too bold while you wait for us.  _

_ With love and see you soon, _

_ Katara  _

When he finishes reading, Zuko checks the date at the top of the page: it’s marked for three days ago. He still has about about a week, depending on the tides, until Katara  _ and  _ Toph arrive. 

Zuko isn’t sure how he’s going to tell Katara about what’s been decided of him. He’s not even sure that telling her is a good idea to begin with. Still, he takes comfort in knowing that soon Katara and Toph will be here with him, ready to help and advise best they can. That’s really he can hope for, isn’t it? 

* * *

Katara stands at the edge of the boat, her arms folded on the banister, staring out into the vast ocean that surrounds her. She can feel the push and pull of each wave, each current that helps the boat move along with the air. When she breathes deep, she can smell the salt, how it drifts into her nostrils and lingers there until she breathes out. The ocean comforts her, much like the moon. Standing on the edge, Katara is tempted to stand up on the banister, arms held out, and call the ocean to her, to bend the water around her to free herself. 

As she watches schools of fish come to the surface, Katara feels someone come up beside her.

“You okay, Sugar Queen?” Toph asks, leaning up against the banister next to Katara. “You’ve been awfully quiet since we started this trip.”

“I’ve just been thinking that’s all,” Katara tells her, sighing deeply. “I wonder what Zuko needs to write such an urgent letter.”

“It must be important if he asked you to travel all the way to the Fire Nation,” Toph replies, her finger tracing circles on the banister, feeling the earth in the metal. 

“Hmm,” Katara hums. “Must be.”

“I heard you last night,” Toph states, still tracing. “I could feel you thrashing about in bed.”

“I had a nightmare,” Katara says. There’s no point in lying to the younger girl; Toph can feel her heartbeat getting faster with each minute. “Sorry if I woke you.”

“I don’t care about that,” Toph says, now looking up in Katara’s direction. “Are you okay?”

“No,” Katara replies honestly. “I’m not okay.”

“Want to talk about it?” 

“I don’t really know, Toph,” Katara replies, feeling the ocean spray her as the boat goes over a small wave. 

Toph raises her hand, placing it on Katara’s arm. It’s a simple gesture, and Katara appreciates it. 

“They just keep coming,” Katara says. “I wake up in a cold sweat or crying or sometimes even screaming.” 

Toph doesn’t interrupt, just listens intently. 

“I see everyone,” Katara continues. “I see you and Sokka hanging off that warship, imagining that Sokka isn’t strong enough…”

Toph moves her hand to find Katara’s. 

“I know I wasn’t there, but I  _ see  _ it, Toph,” Katara says, squeezing her eyes shut. “I see Aang fighting for his life against Ozai, unable to unlock the Avatar State and  _ dying _ , and this time I’m not there to save him.” 

“Katara, you don’t have to keep going,” Toph assures her, now gripping Katara’s hand. 

“But most of all, I see the lightning,” Katara admits. “I see the maniacal look in Azula’s eyes as she aims for me. I see it slowly making its way towards me and I’m rooted in place. Then I see Zuko. Sometimes he doesn’t make it in time, sometimes he does. When he does make it in time…”

“Katara, it’s okay,” Toph says. “It’s over now. That was six years ago.”

Katara opens her eyes and looks down at Toph whose unseeing eyes are full of worry. 

“Maybe it was so long ago, but I just can’t stop,” Katara tells her. “I don’t know why I feel this way.”

“Maybe Zuko can help you too,” Toph teases, trying to lighten the mood. 

Katara lets out a light chuckle. “Yes, maybe.”

“It’ll be okay, Sugar Queen,” Toph says, now letting go of Katara’s hand. “But you need to stop bottling up your emotions.” 

“I don’t do that!” Katara exclaims.

“No, you used to be very open about how you felt,” Toph says, grinning at Katara. “Everyone knew what you were feeling, you were always sure to share exactly what you were thinking. But I’ve felt a change in you recently.”

“A bad one?” Katara asks, wrapping her arms around herself; it was cold all of a sudden.

“No, no necessarily,” Toph replies. “More that you’re unsure of yourself. More closed off. I don’t know, but that’s what I’m sensing.”

“Oh,” is all Katara can say.

“The war changed us all, Katara,” Toph says. “And we all thought everything was going to be hunky dory when it ended, but it wasn’t.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Katara agrees. She traveled the world with Aang, and went from the Northern Air Temple to the South, accompanying Aang to different peace meetings and councils. At the time, Katara thought everything was perfect; until the nightmares came. 

“Think it through,” Toph states, giving Katara a pat on the arm. “Maybe we can talk more later. I’m hungry now, though, so I’m going to find lunch. Want to come?”

“No thanks,” Katara replies. “I just want to be alone right now.”

Toph nods and walks away.

Katara looks back at the ocean, admiring the vastness of it all. 

Toph is right, of course, Katara did change after the war. The only problem is that Katara cannot tell how or why. She guesses she’ll just have to figure this out later.


	5. this year's apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katara and Toph arrive in the Fire Nation. Zuko meets with his council about Mai.

When they finally dock in the Fire Nation, Katara is only somewhat surprised to see that there is no one on the dock to greet her and Toph. She doesn’t know why she is expecting to see Zuko there, dressed in Fire Lord regalia, waiting for her and Toph to unboard the ship, waving enthusiastically. Then again, being the Fire Lord means having more responsibilities and less time for simple gestures. 

Bags over their shoulders, Katara and Toph get off the boat and make their way onto the dock where crew members of other boats are working to and fro.

“Sparky’s not here, is he?,” Toph asks. Katara looks down and watches Toph’s toe curl beneath her, trying to feel through the wooden dock. 

“No, Toph, he’s not,” Katara replies, using her free hand to take Toph’s and lead her towards the town. 

“Rude,” Toph says, shaking her head, allowing Katara to lead her. 

“He’s probably busy,” Katara states, though she can’t but feel her heart deflate in disappointment. “We’ll see him when we reach the palace.” 

“What if he didn’t get your letter?” Toph asks. “And that’s why he’s not here?”

“I sincerely doubt that,” Katara replies defensively. Zuko wouldn’t just forget he invited her. Would he?

As they walk further into town, Katara notices two Kyoshi Warriors making their way towards the dock. One of them spots Katara and Toph and signals to the other to follow her. 

“Master Katara, Master Beifong,” she says, bowing to the two girls. “Fire Lord Zuko tasked us with picking you up from the dock. It seems we were late.”

“Nothing to worry about,” Katara replies. “Where is Fire Lord Zuko?”

“He’s been in meetings all day,” the other Kyoshi Warrior answers. “He would have been here to greet you otherwise.”

“See, Toph,” Katara says, squeezing Toph’s hand. “He didn’t forget.”

“Hmm,” Toph hums.

Katara and Toph follow the Warriors through the town, up the path, and into the caldera towards Caldera City. The walk isn’t long, allowing Katara to take in the beautiful sights of the Fire Nation. Who knew all those years ago that she would come back here, not as an enemy, but as a friend to the Fire Lord?

When they reach the palace, the Warriors lead Toph and Katara through the many hallways towards the guest quarters.

“Fire Lord Zuko hopes it’s okay that he has you stay here as opposed to in town,” the first Kyoshi Warrior says. 

“Of course it is,” Katara replies. She doesn’t say this out loud, but she feels better about staying closer to Zuko. “Do you know when he’ll be done with his meetings?”

The Warrior shook her head. “Unfortunately no, I do not. Fire Lord Zuko did say he will join you for dinner though.”

They stopped in the hallway in front of two rooms. 

“Here are your rooms,” the Warrior states. “Enjoy your stay.” 

The two Warriors bow towards Katara and Toph and walk away, leaving the two girls alone in the hallway.

“Wonder if everything’s okay with Sparky,” Toph says, her tone full of worry. “He sends you an urgent letter, he’s been in meetings all day. Sounds fishy to me.”

“I’m sure everything is fine, Toph,” Katara replies, letting go of Toph’s hand. “I’m going to my room to freshen up. I’ll come get you later, okay?”

Toph just nods and makes her way towards her room, the door creaking open. Katara waits for Toph to get inside before making her way into her own room. 

Seems like Zuko remembered where everyone stayed the last time they were all in the Fire Nation as Katara is now in the same exact room. It is exactly as she remembers it: big bed in the middle of the wall, intricate decorations, some from the Southern Water Tribe to make her feel at home. Katara smiles at that. 

She makes her way into the room, dropping her bag at the foot of the bed. There is a bathroom attached to the bedroom, which is where Katara heads towards. After a long journey, she decides to freshen up with a bath before meeting Zuko for dinner. 

As she lays in the bath, the warm water loosening some of the knots in her back, Katara wonders why Zuko needs her so badly. Has something happened to him that requires her attention? Is he hurt? Katara can’t help but think of the angry scar on Zuko’s chest; has something happened there that’s been causing trouble? Slowly, Katara submerges herself under the water, holding her breath and counting to twenty. 

Whatever the issue is, she’s sure she will find out eventually. 

* * *

“So Mai agreed to your proposal?” Nyahitha asks, staring at Zuko. “She’s agreed to marry you?”

“Mai hasn’t  _ agreed  _ to anything,” Zuko corrects, eyes closed as he rubs his temples. 

“But you’ve talked to her?” Nyahitha emphasizes. 

Zuko opens his eyes, sighing deeply as he looks around the council members and Fire Sages. “Yes, I’ve spoken to her. But I told her she’s allowed to think about this.”

“Think? You gave her time to think?” a councilman asks harshly. His name is Hiratao and it seems as though he and Zuko are not going to agree today.

“Yes, Hiratao, I’ve given her time to think,” Zuko replies, trying his best not to roll his eyes.

“There could be another attempt on your life as she thinks!” Hiratao states angrily, standing up and glaring at Zuko. “What makes you believe she can even  _ think  _ about-”

“Since she does not appreciate the fact that basically everyone here sees her as a glorified baby maker as opposed to a woman with her own thoughts and bodily autonomy!” Zuko snaps, also standing up and smacking his hands on the table. “So, yes, Hiratao, I gave her time to think about whether she wants this as her future!”

“And if she disagrees?” Min asks, a bit more gently than the rest of his council, who are all shaking their heads at Zuko. 

“Then you may find me a suitable Fire Nation woman,” Zuko retorts, sitting back down in his seat and pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“And she  _ must  _ be Fire Nation,” Nyahitha states, nodding at Zuko. “No way around that.”

Zuko sighs deeply, missing the look Shyu gives him from across the table. 

“Perhaps we should end here for today,” Shyu suggests, still looking over at Zuko. “Fire Lord Zuko has much to think about, and there is no reason for us to rush this.”

“But what if-” Hiratao starts, but he’s interrupted by Shyu giving him a look.

“I’m sure we will not have to worry about another assassination attempt in a while,” Shyu exclaims. “I doubt assassins will try and attempt to kill the Fire Lord after their last disastrous attempt.”

Zuko gives Shyu an appreciative smile, which Shyu returns.

“Let the people involved have some say in what they want,” Min says, looking around. “Fire Lord Zuko is correct. It’s not an ideal situation for anyone involved.”

“I have a granddaughter who would  _ love  _ to be Fire Lady,” a council member jokes, trying to ease the tension. 

“That’s enough,” Zuko says. Suddenly, he’s so very tired and all he can think about is his warm bed. “We are dismissed.”

As the council members and Fire Sages leave, a Kyoshi Warrior comes in and makes her way towards Zuko. “Sir, your guests are here. They’re in their quarters now. I told them you would meet them for dinner.”

Zuko feels his heart clench in his chest as he waves his hand at the Kyoshi Warrior in acknowledgement. She bows and walks away, leaving Zuko alone with his thoughts.

Katara. Toph. 

Is he ready to face them? To tell them what’s being decided for him? 

It’s not yet dinner time, so he goes to his own quarters to freshen up before meeting his guests for dinner. In his quarters, he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror: his topknot is still in its place, the hair not tied up long past his shoulders. The scar on his face is still prominent, though Zuko has been feeling its effects lately. As time wears on, the vision in his left eye blurs and the hearing in his left ear not as sharp as it once was. 

Curiously, he undoes the tie around his robes, opening them up all the way. He untucks his tunic from his trousers and pulls it up to stare at the angry scar that lay on his chest. Gently, Zuko places a hand on it, the scar hot to the touch from being under his tunic. It still hurts occasionally, the body aches and pains waking Zuko up in the middle of the night. 

It’s either that or the nightmares. 

Unsure if he can wait any longer, Zuko redresses himself and heads out the door. He decides it’s best to gather Toph and Katara from their quarters himself. 

The walk to their quarters isn’t long, but Zuko can’t help but feel that time is moving particularly slowly with each step he takes. When he reaches the hallway, he sees someone exit one of the rooms. The girl is small, dressed in green just like she always is, though Zuko is surprised by how much taller she seems.

“Toph!” he calls out, quickening his steps towards her.

Toph turns around to face Zuko, a wide grin on her face. “Sparky!”

She starts running, too, meeting Zuko and throwing her arms around him tightly. Zuko hugs her back, thankful Katara decided to bring Toph along.

“I’ve missed you, Sparky,” Toph states, punching Zuko’s shoulder when they let go of each other. “How are you?”

“I’ve missed you too, Toph,” Zuko replies, rubbing the arm Toph hit. “I’ve been better, but I’m happy you’re here.”

“Hope you don’t mind if I tagged along?” Toph asks, cocking her head a bit. 

“Not at all!” Zuko assures her. “I’m glad you came, really. I needed your dry humor around this place.”

Toph laughed at that. “Will do.” 

“So, uh, where’s Katara?” Zuko asks, trying not to sound too hopeful. 

Toph gives Zuko another punch. “Why, Sparky? Miss her that much?”

“Something like that,” Zuko mutters just as the door next to Toph’s room opens. 

Zuko looks up, spotting Katara as she closes the door behind her carefully. She’s dressed in her typical Southern Water Tribe dress, her long hair down in waves. He’s barely seen her, but he knows she’s still just as beautiful as ever. 

“Hey, Sugar Queen!” Toph calls out, causing Katara to jump slightly and turn around. “Look who’s here to get us.”

When she sees Zuko, Katara breaks into a shy smile, walking over to where he and Toph are standing. 

“Sifu Hotman,” she says, giving him a low, mocking bow. 

“Sweetness,” Zuko replies, stealing Toph’s nickname and giving Katara his own sarcastic bow. 

They both look up, catching each other’s eyes, and laughing. When they stand, Katara jumps up and throws her hands around Zuko’s shoulders, burying her face in the crook of his neck. Zuko closes his eyes and wraps his own arms around her waist, his cheek resting against her head. He’s not really sure how long he’s holding her for until he hears Toph clear her throat.

“So, I’m hungry,” Toph says, tapping her foot. 

Katara and Zuko let go of each other, and Zuko can’t help notice that Katara’s face is flushed. 

“Yes, dinner, sorry,” Zuko says, starting to lead the way. Toph and Katara settle on either side of him, matching his steps.

“Your hair has gotten longer,” Katara notes, looking up at him. “It suits you.”

“Thanks,” Zuko replies, feeling his face turn hot. 

He hears Toph scoff next to him, but she doesn’t say anything. 

“How come you were in meetings all day?” Katara asks, also ignoring Toph. 

“Oh, yeah, I’m sorry I couldn’t greet you at the harbor,” Zuko says, giving Katara a pained look. “I wanted to be there.”

“It’s fine, Sparky,” Toph states, purposely bumping into Zuko. “We’re not offended or anything.”

“I couldn’t tell,” Zuko teases, bumping into Toph back. “I’ll catch you girls up at dinner, okay?” 

Both girls nod as they continue walking. Zuko wishes he didn’t have to tell them anything. She’s going to find out eventually, right? 


	6. from a sour bottle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sensing the change in Katara, Zuko takes her to the turtleduck pond to see if he can help her, leading him to avoid the real reason why he called to her for help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not so much a big chapter, more just Katara and Zuko talking about their feelings. Love to see it.

Somehow, dinner goes by without any mention of why Zuko was in meetings all day. Truth be told, once they settled down to eat, Zuko forgot why he asked Katara to come to begin with. 

Instead, Toph updates Zuko about her metalbending school, her parents, and her visit to Uncle Iroh a few months ago that fills Zuko with happiness.

“I need to get away from my duties for a bit and visit him,” Zuko states, looking at Toph. 

“He misses you,” she tells him, slurping a noodle. “So, yeah, visit him.”

Katara tells him of her travels around the world from the Earth Kingdom, to the North Pole, and even to her home in the South Pole.

“Sokka is planning on asking Suki to marry him soon,” Katara says, smiling. “Don’t tell him I told you.”

“I thought he already asked?” Toph asks, shaking her head. “What do I know anymore?” 

“Well, he was going to, but he hasn’t finished the betrothal necklace,” Katara explains. “You know Sokka, he wants everything to be perfect.”

“I wish them well,” Zuko says, suddenly remembering his dilemma. Toph seems to sense his quickening heartbeat because she looks up at him, tilting her head to the side curiously. Luckily, though, she doesn’t say anything, nor does Katara notice his unease. 

“Have you heard from Aang recently?” Katara asks Zuko, looking at him. 

She’s hard to read, Zuko realizes. So long ago Zuko was able to look into her eyes and spot the storm within her, feeling every emotion she was feeling. But now? Zuko is unsure.

“Last I heard from him was a few months ago,” Zuko tells her. “Something about Air Acolytes in the Northern Air Temple?”

Katara nods. “Yes, he’s been trying to find more information about the Air Nomads and then passing on his knowledge to those who want to learn.”

“As long as he’s happy,” Toph comments, pushing her empty bowl and cup forward. 

“This is something he’s been wanting to do for years,” Katara says, frowning at Toph. “Since he’s the only air bender, the last of his nation, he’s been wanting to revive the culture.”

“Sugar Queen, I know that,” Toph replies. 

“I was going to help but…” Katara cuts herself off, looking down at the half eaten soup in her hands. Zuko knows what she was going to say. 

“We know, Katara,” Zuko replies. “We know.” 

Katara just nods slightly, still not looking up. Instead, she places her bowl on the table and pushes it away.

“I think I’m full,” she says. “Sorry, Zuko.”

“Why are you sorry?” he asks, pushing his own half full bowl away. “It’s okay.”

“I think Katara and I just had a long journey,” Toph says, yawning widely and stretching her arms up in the air. “I know it’s early, and we just got here, but I think I’m ready for bed.”

“I can walk you girls back to your rooms,” Zuko tells them, standing up slowly. 

He waits as Katara and Toph both get to their feet and then walks them towards the door. 

As they walk, Zuko glances at Katara on his right. She seems deep in thought, her right hand holding on to her left arm. At one point, she nearly trips over her feet, Zuko quickly reaching a hand out and grabbing on to her to catch her. 

“Are you okay?” he asks once she’s standing straight again. All she gives him is a nod before continuing onwards.

“I think she needs you just as much as you need her,” Toph whispers to him as Katara is now ahead of them. 

Zuko doesn’t know how to reply to that, but he takes Toph’s advice to heart. 

At their rooms, Toph bids them both goodnight and heads in her room. Zuko turns to Katara, placing a calming hand on her shoulder.

“Why don’t we talk,” he suggests. “It’s been a while. I’ve really missed you.”

Katara gives him another shy, tired smile. “I’d like that.” 

He motions with his hand for her to continue walking with him, the two falling into step together. As they walk, Zuko decides to take Katara to the turtleduck pond in the courtyard. That should provide enough comfort for both of them. He looks at her out of the corner of his right eye, taking note in how quiet she is. Zuko was planning on telling her tonight of his dilemma, but now might not be the best time.

When they reach the courtyard, Katara goes on ahead towards the pond, kneeling in front of it. She leans forward with her hand out, placing a finger in the water and watching it ripple at her touch. Zuko watches her by the entrance; he’s fascinated by her draw to the water, how she bends it easily about her. 

She looks up at him, her eyes playful. “Would your palace guards or gardners be mad if we spar right now?” 

Zuko chuckles. “Maybe, but I think I’m too tired to spar.”

“Or you’re afraid I’ll kick your ass,” she teases, sitting back on her feet. 

“You’re absolutely right,” Zuko replies, walking over and sitting down next to her. 

Katara smiles and looks back at the water. 

“You said in your letter you felt lost,” Zuko says, not looking away from her. He watches her close her eyes and take a deep breath in. 

“Yes.”

“You’ve been all over the world, doing so much good in the different nations,” Zuko points out. 

“Toph said the same thing,” Katara replies, not opening her eyes. “I can’t explain it. She says I changed after the war.”

“You did,” Zuko tells her. 

This causes Katara to open her eyes and look at him, head cocked in confusion. 

“I mean, we all did,” Zuko corrects. “That’s not a bad thing.”

“I suppose not,” Katara says, turning away once again. Her eyes stay open this time.

“Does Yue ever respond?” Zuko asks her, looking up at the open sky, the moon hidden by the massive roof of the palace. 

“You’re making fun of me,” Katara exclaims.

“No, I’m not!” Zuko states, shaking his head. “She brings you hope.”

Katara nods. 

“So, then, does she answer?” Zuko repeats.

“I can never tell,” Katara admits. “Spirits work in mysterious ways, don’t they?” 

Zuko cannot deny that. 

“Why did you call me here?” Katara asks, adjusting herself so that she is now sitting down facing Zuko, her legs crossed. 

“Katara, I’ll tell you tomorrow,” Zuko promises. “Your problem is more important to me right now.”

“My problem is so silly compared to yours!” Katara says, shaking her head. “All this talk about change is nothing compared to what you must be facing.”

“Katara, your problem is never silly,” Zuko exclaims, taking her hand in his without thinking. He’s happy when she doesn’t pull away. 

Katara is silent. Instead, she laces her fingers through his and Zuko feels his heart begin to pound in his chest, the scar below it aching with longing. Though he sits here with Katara, his closest confidant, the woman who understands him best, he is still unhappy. 

“I don’t sleep at night,” Katara says finally, her eyes catching Zuko’s. “I wake up screaming, drenched in sweat.”

Zuko grips Katara’s hand in response, unsure how to reply. 

“Nothing helps,” Katara continues. “The nightmares used to come and go. There were weeks at a time where I would sleep soundly at night and, when I finally think they went away, I see the lightning. The fire. The shattered Earth.”

“I’m sorry, Katara,” Zuko whispers.

“Aang tried to help, he really did,” Katara states. “But when I woke up screaming, he didn’t know what to do. I think he was working through his own trauma to help me with mine. I’m not mad about that! He didn’t have to fix me when he had to fix himself too.”

Zuko thinks about Mai. Was she trying to fix him? Or was he trying to fix her?

“Then we broke up, and I was on my own,” Katara finishes. “The nightmares are back, and just as bad. I wake up scared and alone, and I don’t know what to do with myself.”

“I think waking up alone is better than waking up next to someone who doesn’t understand,” Zuko says without thinking. He remembers the long nights waking up next to Mai, her just telling him to go back to sleep, it was just a nightmare. At least now he can cry to himself without judgment.

Katara’s eyes see right through him, understanding his pain. He gives her a small grin, which she returns. 

“Silly,” she says more to herself than to Zuko. 

She lets go of his hand and turns back towards the pond, using her hand to push and pull the water like small waves. Zuko brings his knees to his chest and watches her. 

They stay silent for a few minutes, Katara pushing and pulling the water and Zuko watching her. It isn’t until he suggests they go to bed that they finally get up and make their way towards their respective rooms. 

Zuko supposes he’ll have to tell Katara another time. 


	7. woke up next to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katara seeks comfort from Zuko

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usually I post every two days, but since the last chapter was a bit filler I decided to post early. Enjoy.

Katara and Toph spend the next two days helping around Caldera City. Katara is sent to a hospital to heal, Toph keeping her company and to be an extra set of hands if needed. Being a metal bender comes in handy; Toph is able to help a man who somehow got caught on a fishing line that penetrated his calf. 

It’s not that Katara isn’t happy helping the citizens of the Fire Nation, she just wishes Zuko will tell her the real reason he called her here. She can tell he’s hiding something, especially after their conversation at the turtleduck pond.

She is sick of people treating her like she’s broken, that something inside of her is going to crack at any given moment and that she needs to be treated with fragile hands. Katara is no longer the girl she once was. She is a master waterbender, a healer, an ambassador, a war hero. 

War hero.

Was Katara really a war hero at the age of fifteen? What other teenage girl could say that?

Katara tries her best not to pester Zuko to tell her what’s been on his mind. Instead, she focuses on the tasks she’s been given and does her best to ignore the constant anxiety bubbling up in her stomach.

On her third night in Caldera City, Katara finds herself in the main courtyard in front of the palace. 

But she can’t move. Her feet feel like lead and no matter how much she tries to move them, they will not budge. 

Looking around, she spots Zuko, but he is rooted in place next to his sister, the same maniacal look in his eyes. 

“Help me!” she calls out to him, but he just laughs, his sister laughing along with him.

“Who’s going to save you now?” Azula taunts, a crazed look on her face. “Zuzu, are you going to save her?”

“Why save that peasant?” he sneers. “She’s weak.”

Then, the lightning is coming towards her. Her eyes widen at the sight of it, and she becomes more and more desperate to jump out of its way.

Katara opens her mouth and - 

“Katara! Katara!” 

She’s screaming, thrashing about in bed. 

“Sugar Queen,  _ wake up _ !” Toph shouts, shaking Katara.

Katara bolts up in bed, the scream dying on her lips. Her throat is sore, scratchy from the screaming. Toph is kneeling next to her on the bed, her face full of concern, her hands on Katara’s arm. Katara feels the back of her neck slick with sweat, her hair clinging to it. Her eyes feel puffy, and Katara doesn’t need to look in the mirror to know they are bloodshot. 

“Katara?” Toph asks, giving Katara another shake. “Katara, are you awake?”

“I’m awake, Toph,” Katara replies, placing her face in her hands. “I’m awake.”

“I could hear your screaming from next door,” Toph says, her voice full of terror. “You sounded so scared, I had to make sure you weren’t in trouble. But I saw you were asleep and -”

“It was another nightmare, Toph,” Katara states, waving her hand. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not,” Toph exclaims, sitting back on her feet, her hands still on Katara’s arm. “Your heart is racing a mile a minute, you’re all sweaty, and your voice sounds all shaky.” 

Katara does her best to wipe the sweat off her brow, but her hands are shaking too much.

“Katara, do you want me to spend the night with you?” Toph asks, finally removing her hands from Katara’s arm. “Maybe I can help?”

“No, Toph,” Katara replies, shaking her head, “I’d rather be alone.”

“But-” 

“No!” Katara practically yells, causing Toph to wince. She takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself. “No. I don’t want to wake you up if I have another nightmare. Please, Toph.”

Toph doesn’t reply, just slides off the bed carefully. “If you say so.”

Katara watches as Toph makes her way towards the door, opening it carefully. She turns around as if to say something else, but Toph shakes her head and walks out, closing the door behind her quietly. 

In that moment, Katara wishes she told the younger girl to stay with her, but she is unsure as to why she told her to go. Toph wouldn’t understand, Katara thinks. Toph has always been strong, never one to show any weakness whatsoever, even if she is blind. Katara always admired that about Toph; that even though everything was falling apart, Toph still stood tall. Katara wishes she was like that now, instead of experiencing nightmares and anxiety attacks. 

She sits in bed, staring at the wall in front of her. She knows she must sleep or that she will be tired tomorrow, and she promised the healers at the hospital that she will help out again. How is she supposed to help people if she’s tired? But Katara’s thoughts weigh heavy on her, and she refuses to wake up screaming again. 

Master waterbender, indeed. 

Without thinking, she pushes her blankets aside and gets out of bed. She walks towards the door, grabbing her robe on the way there and wrapping it around herself tightly. In the hallway, she looks around, trying to figure out where she wants to go. Katara’s feet seem to remember where to go, because, as if through muscle memory, she begins walking through the hallways. Though she is a guest in the palace, Katara cannot help but jump and hide whenever she hears a guard make their rounds through the hallways. 

_ Silly _ , she thinks to herself.  _ You’re being silly. _

Finally, she reaches the hallway she is looking for, spotting a palace guard pacing in front of one of the doors. Katara approaches slowly, unsure of how to explain herself. 

“What do you want?” the guard grumbles, stopping in front of her and looking down. 

“I, well, you see,” Katara stammers, pointing to the door on her left. 

The guard grins widely, a tiny smirk in his eyes. “You want to see the Fire Lord? In his  _ quarters _ ?”

“Well, yes, but-” 

“How typical,” the guard sneers. “Women thinking if they sneak into the Fire Lord’s room, he’ll take them to bed.”

“That’s  _ not  _ why I’m here!” Katara snaps, her voice raising. “How dare you assume that!”

The guard laughs again, and is just about to open his mouth to retort when the door opens beside them.

“What is going on out here?” Zuko asks, glaring at the guard. His hair is down and he’s shirtless; has the scar on his chest always looked so angry and red? 

“I just caught  _ her _ ,” says the guard, motioning to Katara, “trying to sneak into your quarters, sir.”

“You  _ caught _ her?” Zuko repeats, now looking at Katara who felt her face go hot. 

When Zuko catches her eye, Katara can’t help but look away. 

“I can escort her back to her room,” the guard continues, roughly grabbing Katara’s arm. 

“Let go of me!” she screeches, her heart nearly jumping out of her chest.

“Hey!” Zuko yells, going over the guard and pulling him away from Katara, stepping in between them. “You do not treat an honored guest like that! This is Master Katara of the Southern Water Tribe and you should treat her with respect!”

Katara stands behind Zuko, rubbing the part of her arm the guard grabbed.

“Yes, sir,” the guard replies, almost looking bored. 

“Try that again!” Zuko hisses, taking a step towards the guard. His eyes are on fire, and Katara is unsure of the last time she’s seen him so mad.

“Yes,  _ Fire Lord Zuko _ ,” the guard emphasizes, this time taking a step back, sensing the storm inside of Zuko. “I’m sorry, your highness. It will not happen again.”

“I expect it not to,” Zuko replies, still glaring at the guard. “Katara, go into my room, I’ll be right there.”

Katara does as she’s told. As she enters Zuko’s room, she catches part of what he tells the guard.

“Who comes into my quarters and why is none of your concern,” Zuko hisses. “How dare you.”

Katara tries not to overthink that statement, especially as Zuko comes in behind her, slamming the door behind him. 

“Zuko, it’s fine,” she tries to assure him, resting a hand on his bare shoulder. “I could have handled it.”

“I know you could have, but it’s not fine, Katara,” Zuko replies, shaking his head. “The guards are bored and will take any chance they can to gossip.”

“I’m sorry I caused so much trouble,” Katara says, shame replacing anxiety. 

“Don’t worry about it, please,” Zuko replies. “I’ll handle it if he says anything, okay?”

Katara nods and lets her hand drop from Zuko’s shoulder.

“So, are you okay?” Zuko asks her, taking his hand and placing it under her chin to raise her head to look at him. 

“What makes you assume I’m here because I’m not okay?” Katara asks stubbornly. “Maybe I’m just trying to take you to bed like the guard assumes, flaunting my sexual advancements around the palace.”

Zuko chuckles. “Is that why you’re here, Katara?”

Katara moves her head so that Zuko lets go of her chin and she’s now staring at the floor.

“Katara?” he asks again. “We both know you’re not here for that.”

“I had a nightmare,” she admits, still not making eye contact. 

Zuko takes her hand in his and guides her towards his bed, where he has her sit down. He sits next to her, so close their shoulders are touching, his hand still holding hers. 

“Want to tell me about it?” he asks her gently. “Maybe talking about it will help?”

“I don’t know why I came here,” Katara exclaims, jumping on her feet, turning towards Zuko. 

She feels the heat coming off her face, the hair on the back of her neck all dried out from the sweat. Suddenly, she feels everything in the room is too big, including her emotions. They are getting bigger and bigger, and they’re going to take over. Zuko’s hand tightens around hers, and as he reaches out with his other hand, Katara avoids him. 

“You can’t help me!” she claims, her whole body shaking. “Why would you help me? How can you help me? I’m nothing.”

“Katara, Katara, where is this coming from?” he asks, daring to not reach out to her again. “I’m always here, I want to help you.”

“No, no, not in my dreams!” Katara says, pointing at her head with her free hand. “In my dreams you let me die! Why did I come here? Maybe I fell back asleep!”

Again, Zuko hesitantly reaches out his other hand, grabbing Katara’s free arm. He gives her a little pinch.

“Ow!” she snaps. “What was that for?”

Zuko smiles. “You felt that?”

“Yes,” Katara answers, glaring at Zuko. “It  _ hurt _ .”

“So then this isn’t a dream, is it?” he asks, giving her another pinch that she was ready for this time. 

“No, I guess not,” she says, looking around the room. It’s normal size again, and already Katara can feel herself calming down.

“Was your nightmare about me?” Zuko asks, removing his hand from her arm and letting go of her other hand to give her some space. 

“Somewhat,” Katara admits. “I still dream about the Agni Kai.”

Zuko raises his eyebrow. 

“Sometimes you don’t make it in time and I wake up just as the lightning hits,” she tells him. “Or, you make it in time, but  _ I  _ don’t. Other times, it’s me versus you and Azula. Those are the ones I hate the most.”

“That’s what you had tonight,” Zuko guesses.

“Yes.”

“What woke you up?” 

“Toph,” Katara answers. “She could hear me screaming from next door.”

Zuko just nods, placing his hands on his knees as he looks at her.

“I really don’t know why I came here,” Katara says, flushing. This time the heat that comes from her cheeks is from embarrassment rather than a fevered dream. 

“I get it,” Zuko says. “Trust me, I do.”

Katara doesn’t know what to say. She’s sure he  _ does  _ understand her pain, but she doesn’t want to talk about it with him just yet. So far, since she’s arrived, all they’ve talked about are Katara’s problems, not Zuko’s. She feels selfish, as if she’s telling Zuko his problems aren’t as important as hers. 

“Maybe I should go,” Katara says. “I won’t sleep, but perhaps you can.”

Just as she turns around, Zuko reaches out again, grabbing her wrist. Katara looks at him, catching the fear in his eyes.

“My nightmare woke me up too,” he tells her. “Or the pain in my chest, I can’t tell anymore. Either way, I heard you outside because I couldn’t fall back asleep.”

“Zuko…” 

His grip on her wrist just gets tighter as he looks at her pleadingly. 

“I should go,” she says, but she doesn’t move.

“I said waking up alone is better than waking up with someone who doesn’t understand,” Zuko states, his voice desperate. 

“I remember,” she tells him. 

“Stay,” he whispers, voice breaking. “Please, stay.”

Katara stares at Zuko, noticing how utterly broken he looks. His eyes do not stray from hers. Please, they’re begging her, please. 

“Okay,” she says finally, allowing Zuko to pull her closer to him where he is still sitting on the edge of the bed.

He wraps his arms around her waist, his head in her chest. Katara, unsure of what to do, wraps her arms around his shoulders, placing a gentle kiss on the top of his head. 

So she stays. 

And for the first time in years, Katara feels safe in Zuko’s arms. 


	8. sick in the head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mai meets Zuko about his proposal and he finally decides that maybe it's time to tell Katara about the plan.

So for the next few days, Katara finds herself sneaking into Zuko’s quarters late at night, usually before she can fall asleep to avoid the nightmares. 

Every night, Zuko wraps his arms around her, bringing her close to him. 

The situation, though it works, is not ideal. Katara cannot risk being seen as a prostitute among the guards and if the Council or the Fire Sages catch wind of what’s happening Zuko knows there will be hell to pay. 

There’s nothing sexual going on, Zuko assures himself, so the Council can’t  _ really  _ be mad at him. He’s just comforting a friend in need. And, if he was being honest, she was comforting him as well. 

Zuko decides to continue on with his duties as normally as possible. Toph, on the other hand, can sense every slip, every raising heart beat. If she knows something, she does not say it. 

One morning, about five days into Katara and Toph’s stay, Zuko and the two girls are having breakfast before going their separate ways. Katara, for once, looks well rested and ready for the day ahead of her, which Zuko is happy to see. Today, he decides, will be the day he tells her about his possible arranged marriage. He has to, especially with everything going on.

Halfway through breakfast, a servant walks in, heading towards Zuko.

“Your highness,” the servant says, bowing next to where Zuko is sitting. “Mai is here to see you.”

“Take her to my office and tell her I’ll be there in a few minutes,” Zuko replies, waving the servant away. 

Again, the servant bows then walks away, leaving Zuko alone with the girls.

“Are you and Mai back together?” Toph asks, cocking her head to the side. 

“Not exactly,” Zuko replies, standing up. “I have to go meet with her though, so I’ll see you girls soon.

Toph and Katara nod.

As he walks away, he can hear a snippet of their conversation. 

“Something’s fishy,” Toph says to Katara.

“Hush, Toph,” Katara warns. “I’m sure everything is fine.” 

Zuko can’t help but feel guilty at that. 

When he reaches his office, Mai is sitting down in front of his desk. She turns when she hears the door open, and makes to stand, but Zuko just holds his hand up. 

“No, no, sit, it’s fine,” Zuko says walking over and sitting at his chair behind his desk. 

“Gee, thanks,” Mai deadpans, rolling her eyes. “What a kind and thoughtful leader you are.”

“Mai,” Zuko sighs. “Please.”

“Your servant tells me you were at breakfast with  _ Master Katara _ and  _ Mistress Beifong _ ,” Mai says, crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair. “You never said they were coming.”

“I got their reply saying they would right after we talked,” Zuko tells her. “I didn’t think my personal affairs were your business.”

“Really? After what we talked about?” Mai states, lifting a thin eyebrow. 

“I’m assuming you’re here about my proposal then?” Zuko replies, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Ah, so that was a proposal when you came and talked to me?” she smirks. 

Zuko clears his throat. “You know what I mean.”

“Then, yes, I’ve thought about it,” Mai says, uncrossing her arms. 

“So?”

“I’ll do it,” Mai answers. “If the council decides that you need to marry, that is.”

“Really?” Zuko asks, blinking at her. He’s actually somewhat surprised by her answer, expecting her to disagree with the council.

“Yes,” Mai says, “but on one condition.”

“Anything.”

“That I’m doing this because  _ I  _ want to,” Mai exclaims, standing up and pointing to herself. “Not because anyone told me to do it. Especially not some stuffy, old man. I don’t want them thinking that they control me.” 

“I understand completely,” Zuko replies, looking up at her. “Trust me, I do. Though, I’m going to assume that if and when I tell them that you agree…”

“They’ll be planning our wedding,” Mai finishes for him. “Solution: don’t tell them.”

“But I have to. They need to know whether or not I agree, and if I say I do, then I have to tell them you agreed,” Zuko says. 

“I hate politics,” Mai exclaims, sitting back down with a huff. 

“Is this even politics?” Zuko asks, giving her a tired smile. “They’re playing matchmaker instead of solving the whole ‘Ozai supporters’ problem.”

“Politics in order to get you an heir,” Mai points out. 

Zuko sighs. “Yeah.”

“Stupid question, but do you  _ have  _ to marry someone from the Fire Nation?” she asks. 

“So I’ve been told, why?” 

“Because you and I both know this is not a marriage for love,” Mai tells him. “Sure, we like each other enough, we love each other in the sense that we care about each other, but that’s it.”

“I know,” Zuko agrees. 

“Because you and I both know if you got to marry for love, you might not choose me.” The way Mai says this causes Zuko to wince. Not angry, not jealous, just sad like the first time she asked him why he jumped. 

“I’m sorry,” is all Zuko can say. “Mostly because you’re right. It’s not fair.”

Mai grimaces and stands back up. “Whatever. I’m not mad. Like I said, you changed after you left, and it was for the better. I can’t be mad at you for that.”

“Thank you, Mai,” Zuko replies, also standing up. “For everything.”

Mai shrugs. “Anything to help. And, hey, being Fire Lady doesn’t sound  _ too  _ bad.”

Zuko chuckles and walks around his desk. “You can order all the stuffy, old men around all you want.”

“That does sound like fun,” she says, giving Zuko her first real smile in a long time. 

“Let me walk you out?” Zuko asks, already leading her towards his office door.

“No, let me walk out alone,” Mai tells him. “If any councilmembers see us together they’ll talk. I don’t want to risk that.”

“Good point.”

Zuko opens the office door to let Mai out, revealing Katara standing there with her hand in a fist, getting ready to knock.

“Oh, Katara,” Zuko says, watching her cheeks flush.

“Sorry, I was just going to see if you needed help with anything,” she says, her eyes darting to Mai.

“We just had some things to talk about,” Zuko says quickly. 

“Hey, Katara, how are you?” Mai asks, giving Katara a slight nod. 

Despite the animosity that can come between them, the two girls did get along well. 

“I’m well, how are you?” Katara says.

“Same old, same old,” Mai replies. She looks at Zuko. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

With that, Mai walks by Katara and down the hallway. 

Katara watches after her before turning to Zuko. “Everything okay?” 

“Actually, Katara, there’s something I need to talk to you about,” Zuko tells her. “Do you mind coming in?”

She nods, though he can tell she’s confused as she walks into his office and takes a seat in the same chair Mai once sat in. Zuko takes his seat behind his desk.

“So, what did you need to tell me?” she asks, her hands folded on her lap. “I’m assuming you’re finally going to tell me why you called me to the Fire Nation?”

“I haven’t been completely honest with you,” he says. “I do have a reason I called you here, but with everything going on, I kept hiding the truth.”

“Whatever it is you can tell me,” she tells him, looking sincere.

“In the past two years, there were assassination attempts,” he begins. Katara opens her mouth to say something, but he holds his hand up. “Katara, please, let me finish.”

She closes her mouth and nods, staring at him with worried eyes. 

“Obviously, none of them worked because, well, I’m alive aren’t I?” he asks. The attempt of a joke did not work on Katara, so he continues. “This made my Council and the Fire Sages worried about the future of the Fire Nation. If something happens to me, what happens then?”

Katara doesn’t answer, just tilts her head to show she’s still listening.

“My sister cannot take the throne,” Zuko explains, “so I need an heir. And, well, to have an heir I need a wife.”

“So what does that mean for you?” Katara asks him, eyebrows furrowed.

“They’re considering an arranged marriage,” Zuko tells her. 

“So they’re just going to force you to marry a woman you never met?” Katara exclaims, clearly distraught by this information. “That’s not fair!”

“Unless, of course, there’s someone I prefer,” Zuko continues. 

Katara visibly relaxes. “Oh, then that’s-”

“She needs to be Fire Nation,” he interjects, watching Katara deflate at this news. 

“So you asked Mai,” Katara states firmly.

“Not exactly,” Zuko replies. “I told her about the plan, told her if it comes down to it then… well, I think you can put the pieces together.” 

“She came here to tell you she agrees,” Katara guesses. 

Zuko swallows then nods. “Yes. She agrees.”

“Congratulations I suppose,” Katara says sadly. 

“Katara, I-”

But Katara stands up quickly, the chair screeching as it's pushed away from her. “I should leave.”

“Leave?” Zuko asks, also standing up. “But you haven’t even been here a week.”

“Is this why you called me here?” Katara asks, tears forming in her eyes. “To tell me you have to marry someone? Had to look me in the eyes and say that?”

“Yes, I mean, I didn’t want to write it in a letter!” Zuko exclaims. 

“How was I supposed to help you, Zuko?” Katara snaps. “Comfort you and tell you it was okay for you to marry someone you didn’t love?”

“I just needed help thinking!” Zuko tells her, throwing his hands up. 

“You didn’t need me to help you think, Zuko, you already did that yourself!” Katara yells. “You made the decision before I even arrived!”

“I had no other choice!” Zuko yells back.

“I’m leaving,” Katara says, starting to turn around. “I can’t be here. It’s too much.”

Zuko strides out from behind his desk, reaching towards Katara. “Katara, please, stay.” 

She turns her just enough to look at him. “Why should I? You have a duty to your nation, and I can’t be here.”

“Katara,” Zuko begs, grabbing her wrist. “Please.”

He hears Katara take in a deep breath. “Me being here is just making it hard for both of us.”

“I feel better with you here,” he tells her, his grip on her wrist tightening even though she makes no move to shake him off. 

“It’s all too complicated,” Katara says, facing away from him. He can hear the tremor in her voice as she speaks. “It’s not fair to either of us.”

“I can think of another way,” Zuko says, taking a step closer to her. 

“No, you can’t,” she says, shaking her head. 

“Katara, I…” But the words die on his lips. 

What does he tell her? He loves her and he would do anything for her? That he would give up his throne for her? That he would leave his people in tatters for her? 

All things he’s done when he jumped in front of the lightning for her.

“I want you to stay,” Zuko says instead.

Finally, Katara turns around to face him head on. Tears are streaming down her face as her eyes lock with his. 

“But I can’t watch you marry someone else,” Katara tells him, voice cracking. 

She sounds so broken Zuko cannot stand it. He wants to find all of her pieces and put her back together one by one, but he knows he cannot do this. 

Instead, he acts without thinking just like he always does. 

Zuko rushes forward, his lips meeting hers. She jumps at first, but he feels her slowly melt into him. He lets go of her wrist, his hands making their way towards her face instead, framing her face. 

This doesn’t last long, as Katara finally jumps back, one hand finding its way to her mouth as she looks at Zuko with surprise. 

“Please, stay,” Zuko begs again, taking a step forward. 

“Now I know I can’t,” is all Katara says, turning around and running out of the room in tears. 

Zuko stays rooted in place, debating if he should go after her. No, that’s probably a bad idea and he didn’t want to make anything worse for himself. So instead, he sits back down at his desk, placing his face in his hands.

This time, he doesn't hold back the tears. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It can't all be rainbows and butterflies unfortunately :(


	9. not any better off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confused about what's been happening, Katara decides to run from her feelings, earning her a hard talking to from Toph.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you post a day early because why not? Thanks to everyone reading so far! Hope you're all enjoying.

“I’m sorry,  _ married _ ?” Toph exclaims, listening to Katara hustle back and forth in her room as she packs up all of her clothes. “He has to get  _ married _ ?”

“Toph, marrying age in the Northern Water Tribe is sixteen,” Katara states angrily. “He’s twenty three, he’s old enough.”

“Still, Sugar Queen, that’s not a very fair deal,” Toph states, crossing her arms. “Marrying a woman he doesn’t know-”

“He got to  _ choose  _ Mai,” Katara snaps, throwing a dress into her bag that sits on her bed. “So he’s fine.”

“Katara, why are you so upset by this?” Toph asks, getting up from the chair she was sitting in and making her way over to Katara. “He’s the Fire Lord, he’s going to have to get married and have an heir eventually.”

“I  _ know  _ that!” Katara exclaims, walking away from Toph just as the younger girl lifted a hand to place on Katara’s arm. 

“Then why does this bother you?” Toph asks again, slowly putting her hand down. 

“It doesn’t!” Katara replies, turning back towards Toph with her trousers in her hands. 

“Katara, don’t try and act like this doesn’t bother you, okay?” Toph says, crossing her arms again. “Don’t pretend that I don’t notice your racing heart beats whenever you were around each other, or the fact that I could  _ hear  _ you leaving your room in the middle of the night.”

“How do you -?” Katara begins to ask, but Toph just snorts.

“Sugar Queen, I get up to go check on you in the middle of the night and you’re not there. Or I can hear your door open as you leave,” Toph smirks. “Don’t think I don’t know where you’re going.”

Katara stomps back to her bed and stuffs her trousers in her bag as the shame she feels builds on her cheeks. 

“You love him, Katara,” Toph tells her. “You’ve loved him ever since Ember Island and you never said anything.”

“Stop acting like you know everything,” Katara mutters, even though she knows deep in her heart that Toph is right.

“When you two go back from your little murder field trip, I could sense the change in you two,” Toph continues, ignoring Katara’s jab. “I felt every racing heart beat, heard every tremor in your voices when you talked to each other. You’re lucky I can’t see or I’m sure I would have spotted you two making puppy dog eyes at each other from miles away!” 

Katara huffs and sits down on her bed, crossing her arms around herself tightly. She doesn’t want to listen to Toph; instead, she wants to act like a child and throw her hands over her ears and pretend she can’t hear the younger girl spew the truth. 

“I know what happened at the Agni Kai,” Toph states, this time sitting down next to Katara. “I know how worried you were about him. You have to remember, I was there with you guys when he healed. I listened to you cry as you sat next to his bed while he recovered. I listened to  _ him  _ cry when he told you how scared he was to lose you.” 

“That has nothing to do with this,” Katara scoffs. 

“Then why did you choose Aang?” Toph asks. 

“What!?” Katara exclaims, jumping up and staring at Toph. “What does  _ that  _ have to do with anything!”

“You chose him because he was safe and comfortable, you and I both know it!” Toph states, also standing up. “Because you felt like you owed him!”

“I- well that’s - ridiculous!” Katara stutters, shaking her head.

“Your heartbeat says otherwise,” Toph says, pointing towards Katara. “And you’re upset because you and Zuko are finally back together and you were hoping that maybe, just maybe, you could rekindle your love or whatever. Because even though you loved Zuko, you were scared about what would happen, especially because you almost lost him.”

Katara refuses to answer Toph. Refuses to even acknowledge what she’s saying.

Because it’s true.

Every word that Toph says is absolutely true. And Katara isn’t sure if she’s ready to face that just yet. 

“You can’t bear to watch him marry someone else, I get it,” Toph says, taking a step forward. “But you need him and he needs you. You don’t need to be able to see to know that.”

“I’m going home, Toph,” Katara states. “I miss my dad, my Gran Gran, Sokka. I miss home. I need to figure this out on my own.”

“You can’t run from your feelings, Katara,” Toph says gently. “You never were one to do that, how come you’re choosing now?”

“I don’t know, Toph,” Katara replies, feeling the tears well up in her eyes. “I don’t  _ know _ . I don’t know why I feel this why, or why I keep getting nightmares, or why sometimes the whole damn world seems too big and too small at the same time.”

“I don’t know either, Katara, and I really wish I did,” Toph tells her, grabbing Katara’s hand. “You’re feeling a lot of things all at once and it’s not fair.”

“I just wish I knew how to  _ stop _ feeling,” Katara cries, gripping Toph’s hand. “I don’t want to feel anymore.”

“Katara, come on, you can’t say that,” Toph replies, her voice worried. 

“I’ve been holding everything down for so long and I thought that maybe being here would help,” Katara continues, wiping her eyes with her free hand. “But everything is just so much  _ harder _ , and then he tells me he has to get married and I don’t know how I should feel.”

Toph just listens, cocking her head to the side to show she’s paying attention.

“And you were right, Toph, okay, you were right,” Katara sniffs. “That night you woke me up because I was screaming, I went to his room. I just needed to know someone understood me. I needed  _ him _ . So I kept going to him even though I knew it was a bad idea, even though in my heart I knew something was off.”

Katara thinks of Zuko’s face when she left his office earlier: completely and utterly defeated. 

“He knew, Toph,” Katara says, taking a deep breath. “He knew that he was possibly going to have to marry Mai, and he still asked me to stay with him every night.”

“You can’t be mad at him for that,” Toph states, squeezing Katara’s hand. “I know you want to be, but I’m sure he’s just as confused as you are.” 

“Then you know why I have to go,” Katara says, letting go of Toph’s hand and continuing to pack.

Toph just stands there, shaking her head. “If that’s what you feel is right. I’m going to stay here though.”

“Why?” Katara asks, looking at Toph. “What about your metal bending school?”

“Sparky’s going to need someone for a bit,” Toph replies, shrugging. “I’ll stay another few weeks and head home. But I’m writing to Aang first.”

“You can’t tell Aang-!” 

“Relax, Sugar Queen, I’m not going to tell him about you,” Toph claims. “Just tell him to come here and check on Sparky, that’s all. Zuko could use his friend right now.”

“Okay,” Katara replies, turning her attention back to packing. 

Toph sits back down on the bed, listening to Katara bustle to and fro once again. This time she doesn’t say anything, and Katara is grateful because she can now have time to think. 

Of course, she’s always cared for Zuko. She showed him empathy in the catacombs of Ba Sing Se, offering to heal the scar on his face. When he chose Azula, Katara could not explain the betrayal she felt deep in her heart. She showed him kindness, they discussed their similarities, he was  _ human _ . How could he turn on her? 

When he came back, offering to teach Aang firebending, Katara remembers the smile on his face when she went to his room to warn him against betraying her and her friends again. She remembers him trying so hard to gain her trust, but she refused to let him in again. 

But why did she let him in anyways?

Because he understood her. Because he knew she was broken, and he wanted to help her put her pieces back together. He never offered to do it himself, instead he supported her through her journey of self-discovery, offering words of encouragement. He never told her what she could and could not do, just told her that she was capable of making her own decisions. He told her he was proud of her decision and moved on. He never pushed her to talk, never asked her to explain her feelings, just offered her a listening ear for when she needed it. 

She trusted him, she needed him, she loved him. 

She trusts him, she needs him, she loves him. 

And that’s why she needs to go. 


	10. burn a bridge or two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shyu comes to Zuko's office to see what's wrong.

Katara leaves two days later for the South Pole, and Zuko cannot get rid of the pit in his stomach. 

He moves throughout the rest of the day without much energy, gaining attention from Shyu. This earns Zuko a visit to his office, which Zuko should have seen coming. 

“Zuko, what is the matter?” Shyu asks, sitting across from Zuko in his office. “You’ve been walking around as if you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I’m fine, Shyu, I’m fine,” Zuko lies.

“What’s happened?” Shyu asks, unrelenting in his questioning. 

“Nothing, Katara left today, that’s all,” Zuko tells him. There’s no point in hiding that. “She went home to the South Pole.” 

“Why did she leave? Wasn’t she helping out at the hospital?” Shyu says, stroking his beard. 

“I… made her upset,” Zuko sighs. “I told her about the plan.”

“She did not take it well, I presume,” Shyu guesses, raising an eyebrow at Zuko. 

“No.”

“This is none of her concern, though,” Shyu says. “Why is she upset?”

“Shyu, I’m going to tell you something, but you cannot tell anyone else,” Zuko states firmly, looking at the older man. 

Shyu blinks, but nods without hesitation. 

“Mai has agreed to the plan,” Zuko says.

“That’s wonderful!” Shyu exclaims. “So we can tell the Council and the Fire Sages and move forward.”

“Shyu, remember what I said,” Zuko exclaims, shaking his head.

“Sorry, please continue.”

“The thing is… I don’t love Mai,” Zuko admits. “I mean, I do, but not so much that I want to  _ marry  _ her. I don’t like putting her in this position, and she knows that this marriage is solely politcal and nothing else.” 

“That is an… unfortunate way to look at this, I suppose,” Shyu sighs, grimacing. “But, if I’m being honest, I thought you and Mai truly cared for each other?”

“We do!” Zuko confirms. “But we’ve both changed so much since the end of the war and we began falling apart. There are parts of each other we no longer understand, and no matter how much we try, we can’t reach it.” 

“No marriage is perfect, your highness,” Shyu says, giving Zuko a small grin that is meant to be encouraging. 

Zuko tries to grin back, but he stops, shaking his head instead. “No, that’s not it though.”

“Then what, Zuko?” Shyu asks. “What is holding you back?”

Zuko’s eyes meet Shyu’s eyes as Zuko tries to communicate everything he wants to tell the older man through eye contact alone. It seems to work, as Shyu just sighs again deeply.

“Being in love with another is not ideal,” Shy exclaims, moving his chair forward so he is closer to the desk. “Especially someone from another nation.”

“I can’t help the way I feel, Shyu,” Zuko tells him. 

“The way of the heart is funny, isn’t it?” Shyu says, a small twinkle in his eyes. “You cannot control its wants and needs, instead you act as a vessel for it. When it suffers, your thoughts suffer.”

“Very funny,” Zuko deadpans, closing his eyes. He can’t help by imagine Uncle Iroh saying the exact same thing.

“Your heart told you to jump all those years ago,” Shyu tells him, pointing at Zuko’s chest. “And you listened. Why?”

Zuko opens his eyes and sighs. “Because I could not imagine living in a world that she wasn’t in. Because I’m selfish and would rather die myself so I don’t have to deal with losing her.”

Shyu nods. “Selfish in what regards?”

“Then  _ she  _ would have had to live without me, right?” Zuko asks. “Because then I would have died for her and then that would have bared on her consciousness for the rest of her life. She would have suffered knowing of my sacrifice.”

“Hmm,” Shyu hums. 

“Isn’t there anything else I can do?” Zuko begs. “Why do I have to marry someone from the Fire Nation?”

“Zuko, you know why,” Shyu chides. “Your people will not accept anyone else besides Fire Nation. You must produce an heir that -”

“Please, stop with the ‘produce an heir’ shit,” Zuko exclaims before he even realizes what he’s saying. When he does, his eyes go wide as he stares at Shyu in shame. “I’m sorry! It slipped out!”

Instead of being angry like Zuko expects, Shyu just chuckles. “You’re correct. Phrasing it that way does make it sound… well, not as great.”

Zuko lets out a sigh of relief. “Okay, good. But still, wasn’t the point of ending the war to embrace all nations and bring everyone together? Isn’t that what I’m doing with the Avatar with the Restorations?”

“Hmm, I assume so,” Shyu replies, stroking his beard in thought. “You do make a fair point.”

“What if I suggest that to the Council and the Fire Sages?” Zuko asks, slowly getting excited. “See what they say and maybe, just maybe, I can change the policy! That would allow me to make my own decision!”

“Perhaps, but don’t get your hopes up, your highness,” Shyu suggests. “See what they say, but you will be met with contention.”

“But I can try,” Zuko says.

Shyu just stands up, giving Zuko a small nod. “Yes. you can try.”

With that, Shyu steps away from his chair and heads towards the door as if he was leaving. Once he reaches the door, he turns around, a mischievous grin on his face.

“Also, your highness, if you’re going to have your esteemed guest stay the night in your quarters,” Shyu teases, “make sure she isn't spotted by the guards. They do love to gossip.” 

Zuko feels himself go hot at Shyu’s playful smile. “Nothing happened! She just wanted to talk, that’s all!”

Shyu holds up a hand. “What you do in your bed is none of my business, but if the other members found out, you know what they would say.”

“It wasn’t like that!” Zuko emphasizes. 

Shyu lets out a good natured chuckle. “I will see you tomorrow at the meeting, Fire Lord Zuko.” 

Zuko watches Shyu close the door behind him. 

So there is  _ some  _ hope, but of course Katara left before he can even try to change the council members' minds. 

What would he even say to her if they agree? Would he send her another letter? Beg her to come back so he could bare his soul to her? 

And what about Mai? She’s been putting so much on the line for him agreeing to possibly marrying him for the sake of her nation. How must she be feeling right now? Was she worried? Angry? Sad? Zuko realizes how much he didn’t get to ask her. 

Right now, he just wishes the world would open up and swallow him whole. He wants to be as far away from the Fire Nation as possible to avoid all of his responsibilities.

But he loves his nation, and he loves his people more. And when it comes down to it, Zuko knows he will do whatever it takes to help his nation prosper. 

He’s not the boy he was when he faced Azula all those years ago during the Agni Kai. Zuko was a man now, ruling a country he inherited at the end of a war. 

So why did no one see the difference? 

Why did he feel so alone? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUN FACT: I have become extremely attached to Shyu. I will not be taking questions.


	11. when i come home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katara returns to the South Pole.

Katara arrives at the South Pole two weeks later. 

Since she’s been home, she has only received one letter from Toph updating her on Zuko.

_ Sugar Queen, _

_ I got one of the servants to write this for me, so I can’t really say much. _

_ Aang arrived only a couple days after you left to help Zuko and the Council with the current Ozai supporters who keep popping up. So far, they’ve made some progress on the group, but no one will tell me anything.  _

_ As for that other situation we talked about, Zuko’s been all worked up. Apparently, he offered an alternative plan and it didn’t seem like the Council took it very well. Still, it seems like they’re going to think about it anyways. Zuko told me there’s one woman named Min who is on his side. Not sure what that means, nor do I know the alternative plan, but he seems somewhat hopeful.  _

_ I hope you’re feeling better now that you’re home. Aang and I are thinking about coming down soon, so hopefully we’ll see you. Tell Meathead and Suki I said hi. _

_ Toph.  _

It’s vague, Katara thinks, what Toph told her, but it is enough. She wishes Toph knew what the alternative plan was so that she could have told her, but Katara’s just happy with what she got. 

As for being home, Katara enjoys it enough. She’s happy to see how the Southern Water Tribe has grown, the new buildings that have popped up and the trade routes that have been established. She enjoys watching Sokka act like the chief under their father; he really was meant to be a leader. 

Soon, Sokka and Suki will leave for Kyoshi Island to be married where they will stay for a few months. They have both decided that they will try and split their time evenly between the South and Kyoshi Island before Sokka has to take over the position of Chieftain permanently. It was a hard decision to make, but ultimately, they’re happy with it.

Katara really isn’t sure where she’s going to go after Sokka and Suki leave. She’ll stay home until their wedding, but after that her path is unclear. While she loves her home, and loves helping her people, Katara yearns for something more. What she yearns for exactly, she cannot say. Adventure? Purpose? Love? A mix of all three? Perhaps. 

Still, she busies herself with training young waterbenders in healing and fighting, giving Master Pakku a run for his money. She tells the children of her adventures with the Avatar and how she and Zuko took on Azula in an Agni Kai. The children are fascinated by her stories, asking questions about every conquest.

One day, after a training session, Katara sits with her students in the training area to decompress after a long day.

“Master Katara!” a little girl named Yura exclaims. “Are you still dating the Avatar?”

The other children look at her expectantly, smiles on all of their faces. Of course they expect her to still be with Aang. 

“No, I’m not,” she answers honestly, causing a few of the children to deflate. “We broke up.”

“Why?” Yura pouts, crossing her arms and glaring at Katara. “He’s the  _ Avatar _ ! Why wouldn’t you stay with him?”

“Yeah! Didn’t you love him!” another girl, Tapeesa, exclaims. 

Katara is able to give the children a tiny grin. “Love is complicated.”

“How?” Yura asks, Tapeesa nodding next to her excitedly. 

“I’m not sure I can explain it,” Katara says, sighing deeply.

Yura is just about to open her mouth again when, to Katara’s luck, Sokka walks in looking for her. He catches the last question, swooping in to save Katara.

“All right, kids, enough questions for Master Katara,” he says, waving his hands at them. “She’s tired after training you stinkers in waterbending.”

“Hey!” a few children exclaim in unison, standing up and facing Sokka.

“I said what I said,” he grins. “Now, get going. Your parents are waiting for you and I need Master Katara to help me with something.”

The children all make their way out of the training area, huddled up together and whispering to each other. Katara stays on the ground, watching them go. 

“You okay, Katara?” Sokka asks her, sitting down next to her and stretching his legs out in front of him.

“Fine,” Katara lies, looking at Sokka. “What did you need me for?”

“Oh nothing,” Sokka says, smiling at Katara. “Just thought you needed help avoiding that subject.”

Katara sighs and nods. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Sokka says, bumping his shoulder to hers. 

They sit quietly for a moment, Sokka lying back on the ground and folding his hands behind his head as he stares up at the sky. Katara remains seated, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs. One thing Katara loves about Sokka is that he never pressures her to talk about anything, just waits patiently for her to open up when she’s ready. 

“Have you talked to Zuko recently?” she finally asks him, resting her chin on top of her knees. 

“Before I answer you, why?” Sokka asks, turning his head to look at her. “You never told me what happened when you were in the Fire Nation. All you said was that Zuko needed you for something and that you finished in a week.”

Katara doesn’t answer. She’s never one to keep secrets from her brother, she’s usually bursting to tell him everything. But when she got to the South Pole, Sokka patiently waiting for her at the dock, she threw herself in his arms and sobbed. Sokka just wrapped his arms around her tightly, patting her back and assuring her that she was safe with him. Since that day, he never asked her what happened, only asked how she was feeling. 

Sokka knows about the nightmares. He’s known about them for a while. Though he does his best to help his sister feel better, there are times Katara catches Sokka staring at her with his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as if trying to read her. 

“Katara?” he asks, interrupting her thoughts. “Are you still in there?”

Katara feels Sokka’s finger poking the side of her head, and she swats his hand away.

“Ah, so you’re awake, good,” he says, sitting up finally and looking at her. “So, are you going to tell me why you asked?”

“Just wondering, that’s all,” Katara states, shrugging as nonchalantly as possible. 

“He wrote to me at the beginning of this week,” Sokka answers, tugging the bottom of Katara’s long braid. 

“About what?” Katara asks. 

Sokka raises an eyebrow. “Katara, is there something you need to tell me?”

“I don’t know, is there?” Katara retorts, giving her brother a shove. 

“Well, I’m assuming what he wrote me about is what caused you to leave the Fire Nation in a hurry,” Sokka claims. “He told me about the Council and Fire Sage’s decision to have him get married. Something about an heir because of the recent assassination attempts. Did you know about this?”

Katara nods. 

“Yeah, I know you did,” Sokka says, shaking his head. “Because he asked about you. He wants to know if you’re doing okay.”

“I’m fine,” Katara tells him. 

“No, you’re not,” Sokka says. “Zuko aside, you’re not fine.”

“Why does everyone assume that I’m this fragile child who needs comforting at any given moment!” Katara snaps. “I’m twenty one years old for Spirits’ sake, I’m not the little girl I once was!” 

“I know that, Katara!” Sokka exclaims. “This has nothing to do with you being a little girl, but everything to do with the fact that you haven’t been acting like yourself in  _ years _ .”

“Years?” Katara scoffs, waving her hand at Sokka. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Katara, did you know Aang wrote to me right before you two broke it off?” Sokka asks, shaking his head at his sister.

Katara blinks. “No, I didn’t. Why did he write to you?”

“Because he was worried about you, that’s why,” Sokka answers. “He told me that something changed in you and he couldn’t figure it out. You seemed so sad, so lost, so confused. He told me that you must have been like that for a while, but he was too caught up in his duties and his own feelings to notice it at first.”

“I don’t blame him for that,” Katara mutters, wrapping her arms around her legs once again. 

“I know that,” Sokka says. “And he does too. But, Katara, I didn’t know what he meant at first. When you guys broke up, you just… left. Just went off by yourself. I know you wrote home, but I couldn’t tell by your letters how you were feeling, since you never  _ told  _ me.”

“I didn’t want you to worry about me,” Katara tells him, not looking at him. 

“You're my sister, I’m going to worry about you no matter what,” Sokka says, giving her a tiny poke on the arm. “Toph wrote to me the second you arrived in Gaoling. She said the same thing as Aang. Now Zuko’s writing to me all worried about you too.”

Katara just sniffs to show she’s listening.

“But now that you’re here, Katara, I see what they all mean,” Sokka continues, resting a hand on her shoulder. “The spark in your eyes is gone, you rarely smile, you hold everything in… you’re not  _ you _ , Katara. Dad, Gran Gran, and Suki see it too.”

“What, you all talk about me when I’m not home, then?” Katara asks, feeling a tear slide down her face. 

“Yes, we do,” Sokka says, giving her shoulder a squeeze. “What happened to you, Katara?”

“War happened,” Katara states. “Being a child soldier and almost dying numerous times happened. Being expected to follow a certain life and fitting into a perfect role happened. Not having a say in my destiny happened.” 

Sokka’s grip gets tighter on her shoulder.

“And I  _ know _ it’s been six years, I know that,” Katara continues. “But I can’t stop feeling this way. I can’t stop the nightmares, the anxiety that bubbles up inside me whenever I’m on a boat and an unfamiliar ship comes towards us. Or when there’s a thunderstorm and lightning strikes in the distance, because all I hear is Zuko yelling and Azula’s laughter. Or how sometimes I see an airship and I see you and Toph dangling over the edge, ready to fall.”

Sokka removes his hand from her shoulder and wraps his arms around her, bringing her in for a hug.

“I told Toph I want to stop feeling,” Katara cries, holding in a sob. “I mean it, Sokka, I want to stop feeling.”

“Feeling is normal, Katara,” Sokka tells her, gently rubbing her back. 

“Sometimes I lay awake at night, staring up at the ceiling, trying to clear my head, but there’s a million thoughts swimming through my brain,” Katara tells him. “I don’t know what to do, Sokka.”

“I wish I could tell you, Katara, but I don’t have the answer,” Sokka says. “I’m really sorry.”

Katara pulls herself away from her brother, wiping her eyes with her hand. “It’s not your fault the world is so shitty.”

Sokka chuckles at that. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

Katara gives him a small grin.

“Listen, from what Zuko told me, he said it seemed like you were somewhat yourself when you were in the Fire Nation,” Sokka says. “Is that true?”

“I guess so,” Katara admits. “I sort of snuck to his quarters every night because sleeping with him made me feel safe.”

“Okay, well, too much information,” Sokka teases.

“Not like that!” Katara exclaims, smacking her brother’s arm. “Just… being with him.”

Sokka holds his hands up. “I believe you. But to me, once you found out about the plan, you ran away. You’ve never been one to run away.”

“I guess not,” Katara says.

“Katara, you’re the one who dressed up as the Painted Lady to help a Fire Nation town because they were being treated unfairly,” Sokka points out. “You’re the one who went to confront our mother’s killer because you knew it would help you. You’re the one who fought Master Pakku when he refused to train you because of sexist traditions. You’re the one -” 

“Okay, Sokka, I get it,” Katara says, now grinning at Sokka. “I don’t run away.”

“Then why did you?” Sokka asks. 

Katara sighs deeply, trying to figure out how to put her thoughts into words. 

“When you’re ready,” Sokka reminds her.

“I ran because I wasn’t in control,” she says slowly, trying to remember what she and Toph discussed before she left. “I like knowing what’s going to happen, I like knowing every step of the way. When I was with Aang, I was comfortable. He was easy going, knew what he was doing. He treated me well and we respected each other.”

“Hm,” Sokka hums, signaling he’s listening. 

“For a while, being with Zuko was comfortable,” Katara explains. “He held me as I cried, we helped each other in any way we could. I felt more like myself when I was with him. I thought… I thought we could be together.”

“But then he told you about Mai,” Sokka says.

Katara nods. “He looked so broken when he told me. And do you want to know what hurts most?”

“What?”

“He’s not fighting for me,” Katara says, remembering how Zuko didn’t chase after her. 

“Maybe you didn’t give him the chance,” Sokka states. “How is he supposed to fight if you leave?”

“I don’t know,” Katara replies stubbornly. 

“Katara, I need you to do something for me,” Sokka says, finally standing up and facing her. He puts his hand forward, which Katara takes, and pulls her up. “Think you can?”

“I guess so?” 

“Say how you feel about him out loud,” Sokka tells her. “Tell me how you feel.”

“I…” She feels the words die on her lips as Sokka stares at her. She’s never admitted out loud how she’s felt about Zuko. For some reason, she assumed she never would.

“Do it, Katara,” Sokka demands.

“I can’t…”

“You can and you will,” Sokka says, putting his hands on her shoulders. “Don’t run, Katara.”

“I love him,” Katara says, gasping at how quickly she said it. 

Sokka smiles. “Say it again.”

“I love him,” Katara repeats, this time with more confidence.

“Yeah, you do,” Sokka replies. “You love him, and I know for sure he loves you. So, I’m putting you on a boat as a Southern Water Tribe Ambassador, and you’re going  _ back  _ to the Fire Nation. You’re going to let Zuko fight for you, you hear me?”

Katara just nods as Sokka drops his hands from her shoulders and grabs one of her hands, pulling her towards the exit. 

“Great, now we’re going home because I’m hungry and I haven’t seen Suki all day,” Sokka tells her, dragging her towards the direction of home.

“Wait, Sokka,” Katara says, pulling at Sokka’s hand. 

He stops and looks back at her, tilting his head.

“Do you still talk to Yue?” Katara asks.

“Yeah, I do,” Sokka replies, a small smile on his face.

“Does she answer you?”

Soka shrugs. “I don’t know if and when she does, but I can tell she’s watching over me.”

Katara nods and lets Sokka drag her towards home again. 

When they do get home, there is a letter for Katara.

_ Katara, _

_ Please come back. I need you. _

_ Zuko _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for all the comments. Any suggestions welcome! :)


	12. my last chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko urges the Council and Fire Sages to see his point of view.

Zuko sits in the Council meeting, watching the council members and Fire Sages discuss Zuko’s proposal. He proposed his idea almost a week ago, and the council members and Fire Sages decided they ‘needed more time to think’, whatever that means. To Zuko, it means that because he made them wait for his answer for so long, they don’t mind stringing him along for a little bit.

Of course, as Shyu predicted, Zuko is met with some contention, mostly from Hiratao. 

“Remind me again, Fire Lord Zuko,” Hiratao says, his voice scathing, “how marrying a woman from another nation will benefit the Fire Nation?”

Zuko swallows. “Well, it shows the rest of the world how open we are to peace and embracing other nations.”

“Hm,” Hiratao hums.

Zuko looks past him at Min, who gives him an encouraging smile. 

“Plus, the Avatar and I are working on Restorations,” Zuko continues. “We want to show the world we are no longer the domineering country we once were.” 

‘You really think that will work?” Nyahitha asks, shaking his head.

“In a way, we’re forming an alliance with the nation too,” Zuko adds, crossing his fingers underneath the table. 

The other council members and Fire Sages all look around at each other, but Hiratao and Nyahitha both squint at Zuko. 

“But Fire Lord Zuko,” a council woman says, putting her hand up in the air. “Did you not say Mai agreed to the plan? Why not continue forward?”

“Even though she agreed, neither of us are happy with the arrangement,” Zuko says through gritted teeth. 

“Who cares?” Hiratao demands. “No one will notice how unhappy you are. As long as your people see you as Fire Lord and Fire Lady, they will be happy. They will look to you as your leaders. Think of your father and mother.”

“But I don’t  _ love  _ her!” Zuko says, his voice slightly raising. “And I am  _ not  _ my father!”

Hiratao is about to open his mouth, when Min interjects. “Perhaps we should listen to what Fire Lord Zuko has to say. I know we all agree that we want what’s best for our country, but ultimately it is  _ his  _ decision.”

“And  _ who  _ exactly are you thinking of?” Nyahitha asks, crossing his arms. The Fire Sages around him all nod, looking at Zuko with curiosity. 

“Can I make a wild guess?” Hiratao asks, smiling wickedly at Zuko. 

“What do you -?”

“It’s the Southern Water Tribe girl, isn’t it?” Hiratao sneers. Zuko’s surprise must have been written on his face, because Hiratao sneers some more. “Oh, I hear the guards talk. Sneaking to your bedroom late at night like a common prostitute.”

“How dare - !” Zuko starts, about to stand up. Shyu places a calming hand on Zuko’s arm before looking at Hiratao. 

“What his highness does in his spare time is none of our business,” Shyu states, silencing the rest of the council. “As for whether or not Master Katara is the woman Zuko speaks of, that does not matter. We must come to a decision.”

“You would really risk your throne, your nation and your people’s loyalty for a Southern Water Tribe  _ peasant _ ?” Hiratao snaps, glaring at Zuko.

At this, Zuko shakes Shyu’s hand off of him and stands up. He undoes the tie around his robe and pulls up his tunic to reveal the angry scar just below his heart.

“I already  _ have _ ,” Zuko spits, pointing at his chest. “Or did we all forget that I took lightning for her when my sister broke the rules of the Agni Kai? Did we just forget I almost  _ died  _ that day for her?”

He watches as the council members and Fire Sages begin whispering to each other, some looking at Zuko’s chest. Hiratao doesn’t flinch, just continues glaring at Zuko who does not break eye contact.

“Please, can we all just calm down?” Min offers, looking around at her fellow members. “Fire Lord Zuko, we hear you.”

Zuko redresses himself before sitting back down, his eyes never leaving Hiratao.

“Maybe Fire Lord Zuko is correct,” a councilman says, looking at the others. “If he marries her, it  _ does  _ look like an alliance and -”

“Do all of you just view this through a political lense?” Zuko asks, shaking his head. “Must every move I make be political? Why not marry for love? Why does this have to be for anything else?”

“Fire Lord Zuko, are you forgetting the recent attempts on your life?” Nyahitha asks, raising his eyebrows. “Are you forgetting the whole reason we brought this up to begin with?”

Zuko sighs. “I got really caught up in everything else that yes, I forgot. But  _ still _ .”

“I say we let him make his choice,” Min says, giving Zuko a warm smile. “As long as there’s an heir, why not?”

Zuko blanches. “Min, not you too.”

“I’m sorry, your highness,” Min replies, now giving Zuko an apologetic shrug. “Just trying to help you out here.” 

“She does make a good point,” a Fire Sage states, nodding towards Min. “I agree with her.” 

“Me too,” another councilwoman says. 

Others around the table begin nodding along.

“Let’s take a vote,” Min suggests. “All in favor of having Fire Lord Zuko choose?”

Zuko watches as about three quarters of the members and Fire Sages raise their hand in agreement. He cannot help but let out a sigh of relief as Hiratao counts the table.

“Fine, Fire Lord Zuko, you can marry who you like,” Hiratao says, waving his hand. “Even if they are from another nation.” 

Zuko stands up and bows at the Council and Fire Sages. “Thank you so much for reconsidering. This means so much to me.”

“Don’t make us regret it,” Nyahitha says, shaking his head. 

“I won’t,” Zuko promises. “She’ll be a good ruler if she agrees.”

The others nod and begin to stand up. 

“Oh, yes, we’re dismissed,” Zuko says.

Slowly, the council members and Fire Sages make their way out of the room. Min makes her way to Zuko, giving him a quick squeeze on the shoulder before she walks away. Shyu gives Zuko an encouraging smile before catching up with the other Fire Sages. 

Zuko waits for everyone to leave before he makes his way out of the room himself. He notices Aang and Toph leaning up against the wall to his right as they wait for him.

“Hey, you’re done!” Aang exclaims happily when he sees Zuko. 

Aang had been in the meeting when it started, but Zuko dismissed him when the conversation shifted towards marriage. 

“Yes, I’m all done,” Zuko tells them.

Toph pushes away from the wall, looking up at Zuko expectantly. “Judging from your tone of voice and your heartbeat, I’m assuming the rest of the meeting went well.”

“Yes, it went very well,” Zuko says. “I was able to convince them to see my point of view.”

“What exactly was the last half of the meeting about?” Aang asks, looking back and forth between Toph and Zuko. “You never really told me what’s been happening there.”

“Ah, well, the Council and the Fire Sages were worried about my wellbeing after the recent assassination attempts,” Zuko explains. “So they want me to marry.”

“Makes sense,” Aang says as the three begin walking down the hallway. “Let me guess, you need an heir?”

Zuko nods. “Yes. And originally it was supposed to be an arranged marriage to a Fire Nation noble, but I’ve convinced them to change that policy.”

“What about Mai?” Aang asks, looking up at Zuko questionably. “She’s a Fire Nation noble, right?”

“Right, but the thing is we don’t love each other,” Zuko says. “It just wouldn’t be an ideal situation for either of us. If I had the choice to choose, Mai knows I wouldn’t choose her.”

“Then who?” Aang asks, stretching his arms up.

Zuko stops and stares at Aang, realizing the younger boy has no idea about how either he or Katara feel. 

“Ah, I’m going to go on ahead,” Toph says, sensing the tension. “I need to pack if Aang and I are possibly going to head out soon.”

Aang watches Toph bound ahead before turning back to look at Zuko, confusion written on his face.

“What’s going on?” he asks Zuko, tilting his head. “Zuko, is everything okay?”

“Aang, have you… talked to Katara recently?” Zuko asks, walking towards Aang.

Aang shakes his head. “Ah, no, once we broke up we sort of lost touch. I mean, I know she was here and I know she’s home now, but that’s it really.”

“Come on,” Zuko says, motioning with his hand for the two to keep walking. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Aang nods and falls into step with Zuko. It’s then that Zuko realizes just how much Aang has grown in the past few years since he’s seen him. Right now, he and Aang were about the same height, though Aang was more lanky than Zuko. Aang is no longer the thirteen year old boy he was when he faced Ozai all those years ago. 

He leads Aang to the courtyard, taking a seat on the bench next to the turtleduck pond. 

“So, what’s on your mind?” Aang asks as he sits down on Zuko’s right. “You’re not going to tell me there was another attempt on your life while we were asleep, are you?”

Zuko chuckles. “No, Aang, I'm not.”

“Oh, good,” Aang sighs. “Then what is it?”

“I’m not really sure how to tell you,” Zuko says, rubbing the back of his neck. “There’s kind of a lot.”

“Start at the beginning,” Aang suggests.

“The beginning was a long time ago,” Zuko replies. “So I might just have to blurt it out and get it over with.”

Aang lifts an eyebrow, cocking his head to the side, motioning for Zuko to continue.

“I’m kind of in love with Katara and I have been for years now,” Zuko says quickly, looking down at his hands that lay in his lap. He’s too ashamed to look up Aang, so he just imagines the hurt on the younger boy’s face.

Instead, he feels Aang’s hand on his shoulder. “Yeah. I know.” 

Zuko looks up at Aang. “You do?”

“I always knew that there was  _ something  _ between you too,” Aang sighs, removing his hand from Zuko’s shoulder. “And before you ask, yeah, I was really jealous. I was just some kid who had this idealistic version of Katara made up in my mind. I was surprised when she chose me, but I was really happy too.”

“I think she loved you too, Aang,” Zuko assures him. 

Aang nods. “I know she did in her own way. She was there for me, she supported me. But we couldn’t give each other what we needed. In the end, my version of her was too much and we began slipping through the cracks.”

“Nothing’s perfect,” Zuko says, echoing Shyu’s words from a week ago. 

“Nope,” Aang agrees. He looks up at Zuko. “Listen, you have to do whatever makes you happy, okay? If loving Katara makes you happy, then great! I’ll support you.”

“You’re not… mad?”

“Zuko, I’m not a little kid anymore,” Aang replies, smiling at Zuko. “I love Katara, sure, but more in a way that she’s my friend and I care about her happiness.”

“That’s how I feel about Mai,” Zuko says, nodding along. 

“Does she know how you feel?” Aang asks, giving Zuko a small punch on the arm.

“Yes,” Zuko answers, remembering how he kissed her before she left. “And I know she feels the same way about me.”

“Good,” Aang says. “Then get her back here and tell her what you want.”

Zuko feels himself turn red. “I, uh, already wrote her telling her I need her.”

“Then if she loves you, she’ll come back,” Aang replies. “Because I know for a fact that she needs you too.” 

Zuko nods in agreement and looks towards the pond where a turtleduck is slowly swimming towards the edge. Aang laughs and gets up off the bench, kneeling in front of the pond and leaning over with his arm stretched out.

He says he’s not the little kid he once was, but Zuko knows that Aang is still Aang. And he could not be more grateful that Aang is supportive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy weekend everyone. Stay safe :)


	13. out of the woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katara, Sokka, and Suki head to the Fire Nation. Zuko prepares to see his friends again.

Instead of just Katara heading to the Fire Nation, Sokka and Suki decide to join her. 

“We need a reunion,” Sokka says, his arms wrapped around the two girls as the boat slowly makes its way from the dock, Hakoda and Gran Gran waving in the distance. “It’s been years since Team Avatar has been together properly.”

“Aren’t Toph and Aang on their way here, though?” Suki asks, pressed up against Sokka and looking up at him, adoration in her eyes.

“Nope,” Sokka replies, looking down at her. “I was able to get Hawky to deliver the message as soon as possible. They’ll stay in the Fire Nation a bit longer. Though Aang said he and Toph might go to Ember Island for a bit before we get there.”

“Toph and Aang, huh?” Suki says, smiling at Katara from across Sokka. “What do you think?”

Katara shrugs. “I think they’d be sweet. Can’t really have an opinion until I see them, though.”

Sokka releases the two girls, clapping his hands together. “Are we willing to make a bet?”

“No way,” Suki replies, giving Sokka a slight shove. “No more making bets on relationships.”

“But they’re  _ fun _ ,” Sokka whines.

Katara watches Sokka and Suki bicker for a bit before walking away towards the other side of the boat. Like she did so long ago, she heads towards the banister and leans up against it. She looks up, and though it was still bright out, she can see the moon poking out from behind a cloud.

“Hi, Yue,” Katara says, sighing deeply. “Thanks for looking out for me.”

Yue, as always, doesn’t respond. 

“Hey, do you think you could give me something to help stop my nightmares?” Katara asks hopefully. “I know I keep asking, but it’s just that they’ve gotten worse in the past couple of months and I’m starting to lose sleep.”

Behind her, Katara does not notice Sokka and Suki watching her. Sokka goes to say something, to signal that he’s watching, but Suki places a hand on his arm and presses a finger to her lips.

“Let her be,” Suki whispers gently. “Maybe it will help.”

Sokka nods and allows himself to be led away by Suki, watching Katara lean over the banister and look into the ocean.

“Can you control the tides so that we go faster?” Katara asks, glancing back up at the moon. 

Yue is silent, causing Katara to sigh. She reaches into her coat pocket and pulls out the letter from Zuko.

“Why do you think he needs me?” Katara asks Yue, opening the letter to stare at Zuko’s name. “He already made his choice didn’t he? Even if I did tell him how I felt, I don’t know if it will help.”

Instead of waiting for Yue’s silent response, Katara holds the letter out over the banister and lets go. She watches it glide towards the water, landing softly against the gentle waves. 

Katara tries to prepare herself the best she can. She knows she has to listen to Sokka and tell Zuko how she feels, begging him to possibly fight for her. But in a way, that makes her feel selfish. What if he made up his mind and decided to move forward with marrying Mai? Katara knows that she cannot be angry with that, Zuko will only be doing what’s best for his country and himself. 

Sighing, she continues watching the water, ignoring the hustle and bustle of those on deck behind her. 

* * *

The conversation with Mai goes better than Zuko expects. 

At first, he thought that she would be angry with him, accusing him of stringing her along like he had been doing for so long. Instead, she looks more relieved than anything.

“Honestly, Zuko, I know I agreed, but I don’t know,” Mai says, giving Zuko a tired smile. “I just felt so conflicted the whole time. I felt… dirty?”

“Dirty?” Zuko asks, raising his eyebrow. “I’m not sure what you mean?”

“I just felt like I was a pawn,” Mai explains. “I felt like I had no control of my own life for a bit there.”

“I know what you mean,” Zuko says. “Well, no not really since they really just saw you as this glorified baby maker as you said.”

Mai gives a small chuckle. “Yeah. That.”

“I’m sorry again for putting you through this,” Zuko says, reaching out and taking Mai’s hand in his. “It wasn’t fair.”

“Thank you for saying that,” Mai replies, squeezing Zuko’s hand. 

“I just hope one day you find happiness somewhere,” Zuko tells her, earning him another squeeze. “You deserve better than me.”

“Maybe,” Mai replies. “I wish you well.”

Now, he waits for Katara, Sokka, and Suki to arrive, going about his daily routines as normally as possible. Aang and Toph decided to go to Ember Island, leaving Zuko to pace throughout the palace by himself. They offered to have him go with them, but there was too much work to be done in Caldera City for Zuko to leave. Bills to be discussed, land to be divided, policies and laws that needed to be revisited. No, Zuko could not leave his people no matter how badly he wanted a vacation. 

Luckily, he is able to find some time to write to Iroh and tell him about what happened. He’s hoping Iroh will be able to return to the Fire Nation soon as well. 

So the next week goes by, Zuko trying to clear his mind of every little thing that could go wrong once his friends arrived. He tries not to think of Katara’s tear stained cheeks, the betrayal in her eyes when he told her about the plan. Instead, he finds himself rehearsing what he will say to her.

The night before Katara, Sokka, and Suki are meant to arrive, Zuko lays in bed restless, tossing and turning. When sleep finally does reach him, he finds that he cannot sleep for long. 

Azula, his father, Iroh in jail, Katara in pain, Aang’s lifeless body falling from the air all run through his mind. These images come one right after the other, not giving Zuko any sort of relief.

He jolts himself awake, breathing so heavily he thinks his heart is going to beat right out of his chest. The scar on his chest burns causing Zuko to cough, phlegm building in the back of his throat and spitting into his arm that he coughs into. Getting out of bed, he heads towards the bathroom, still coughing. He can barely see out of his left eye; his surroundings are blurry as he tries to focus his eye best he can. Luckily, he is able to get himself some water to calm down his cough, but the pain in his chest remains.

_ If assassins don’t kill me, consequences of being hit with lightning might _ , Zuko thinks to himself as he makes his way back towards his bed. 

Hand over his scar, Zuko makes a mental note to visit the healers before he greets his friends at the dock. Maybe they’ll be able to find something to help the pain he’s been feeling. Maybe they’ll be able to give him something to stop the nightmares that plague his dreams. 

All he knows is this: he’s not ready to see Katara tomorrow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, a Taang shipper: And I will throw in hints of Taang, just for fun.


	14. how the words get you off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katara, Sokka and Suki arrive in the Fire Nation. Zuko pays Azula a visit.

Katara can feel her heart racing as the boat slowly docks. She scans the dock trying to find Zuko, but she does not see him. Just like last time, she tries not to let the disappointment consume her.

“Hey, Katara, you ready?” Sokka asks, coming up next to her. Suki is next to him, bag in her hand and a smile on her face.

“Yeah, I’m ready,” Katara replies, picking up the bag that lay at her feet.

She follows Sokka and Suki off the boat, the two lovebirds chatting excitedly in front of her. Suki gives Sokka a shove, causing Sokka to wrap an arm around her and kiss her cheek noisily. Katara cannot help but feel a pang of jealousy as she watches them interact. Of course, she’s happy for her brother, but there are times she wishes that she could be as happy as him. 

“Wonder where Zuko is,” Suki says once they get on the dock and make their way towards the city at the bottom of the caldera. 

They all stop, Suki going up on tiptoes.

“He might have been busy,” Sokka says, also looking around. “He knows we’re coming, so we can just head on up.”

“What, without us?” comes a voice from close by.

They all turn around, Toph and Aang standing a few feet behind them with smiles on both of their faces.

“Aang! Toph!” Sokka and Suki exclaim, both of them running towards Toph and Aang and giving them both a hug.

“Good to see you guys again,” Toph says, returning Sokka’s tight hug.

“And I think we owe you two a congratulations,” Aang adds, giving Sokka and Suki a wide smile. 

“You do,” Sokka smirks. 

Suki pulls down her coat to reveal the betrothal necklace around her neck, Aang leaning in to get a better look at it.

Toph makes her way over to Katara who’s standing tentatively to the side.

“He has no ill feelings towards you,” Toph tells her. “So don’t be weird.”

“I’m not,” Katara replies. 

Toph just throws her arms around Katara, which is rare for Toph. “Missed you, Sugar Queen.”

Katara returns Toph’s hug, a tear sliding down her cheek. “I missed you too, Toph.”

“Are you feeling any better?” Toph asks, pulling away from Katara but keeping her hands on Katara’s arms. 

“Yes and no,” Katara answers, looking up to watch Aang, Sokka, and Suki. “I will be soon, I hope.”

Toph nods in agreement. “Yeah, you will. Sparky’s been worried about you.”

Katara just sighs as the other three make their way towards the two girls.

“Come on, I haven’t seen Zuko in years,” Sokka says, shouldering his bag once again. “I need my Zuko time.”

“Weird,” Toph says.

“But sweet in a way,” Suki adds, causing Toph to nod.

“Still, it seems like you have some competition there, Suki,” Toph replies, giving Suki an elbow to the ribs.

Sokka scoffs and leads the way, Suki and Toph behind him, Katara and Aang in the rear. Katara’s not really sure what she should say to Aang. Should she even say anything to him? It’s been a year since they broke up, a year since they’ve actually  _ seen  _ each other.

“How are you doing, Katara?” Aang finally asks, looking sideways at her. 

“Fine,” Katara replies awkwardly. “You?”

Aang shrugs. “Same old, I guess.”

Katara hums and continues walking. Why is this so awkward?

“I heard about everything you’ve been doing around the Earth Kingdom,” Aang continues. “I’m really proud of you.”

“Thanks, Aang,” Katara says. “How are the Air Temples? And the Air Acolytes?”

“Oh, they’re great!” Aang answers, his face lighting up. “Everything is going really smoothly. I never knew there were so many people who wanted to learn and bring back my culture!”

“Aang, that’s wonderful,” Katara tells him, pride welling up inside her. 

“If you want, I would love for you to come see them one day,” Aang offers. 

“Sure, Aang, I would love to.”

Aang gives her a small smile. “Katara, I know things didn’t end the best between us, but I want you to know I just want you to be happy.”

“I want the same for you,” Katara replies, returning his smile.

“And I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you,” Aang continues. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you or make you feel better. You were in so much pain and-”

“Aang, I don’t want you to apologize,” Katara says, stopping in her tracks. Aang stops too, looking at her.

“Why?” Aang asks. “That was pretty shitty of me.”

“Aang, you were thirteen years old when you went up against Ozai,” Katara exclaims. “You were stuck in an iceberg for one hundred years, and you woke up in a world that was destroyed by war. You’re not even twenty yet and you’ve saved the world in so many different ways. My shit was nothing compared to what you went through.”

“Okay, I feel like we shouldn’t be comparing trauma,” Aang says, laughing lightly. 

“Fair point,” Katara agrees, laughing along with Aang. “Still, please don’t apologize. That has nothing to do with anything, okay?” 

Aang nods and continues walking, Katara falling into step next to him. 

“I just want you to be happy, Katara,” Aang says. “However that may be.”

With her free hand, Katara reaches out and takes Aang’s hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze before letting go. 

She and Aang are going to be alright. Slowly, Katara knows that they are both beginning to heal. 

* * *

Like he always does, Zuko rises with the sun after a restless night.

Though he told himself to go to the healers to have his chest looked at, the anxiety that bubbles up inside of him prevents him from actually going. He just keeps telling himself that maybe Katara can heal him if the need arises. 

Restless and unable to focus, Zuko decides it is time to visit his sister. Although Azula was originally jailed after the Agni Kai, Zuko fought in her defense, telling the Fire Sages and Council members that she is more of a danger to herself than to those around her. Upon their agreement, Azula was moved just outside Caldera City where she is watched daily by healers and guards. Of course, as the years passed, she’s been given more freedoms, though she still has guards present. 

As usual, Zuko is accompanied by his Kyoshi Warriors that stick closely to him. With a pang, he remembers he will be seeing Suki soon, and also Katara and Sokka, and he walks with a bit more of a jump in his step. Once they reach their destination, Zuko turns to look at the two warriors.

“Wait here for me,” he commands. “I need to go in alone.”

The Kyoshi Warriors bow and stand guard by the entrance. The main guards who watch Azula greet Zuko as he walks in, making his way towards Azula’s quarters.

“She’s not there, your highness,” a healer says from behind him.

Zuko turns to face her, a basin of water in her hands. “Where’s my sister?”

“Azula decided to practice her firebending today in the courtyard,” the healer tells him, looking somewhat ashamed. “I know you told us not to let her but…”

“How is she doing?” Zuko asks, motioning for the healer to walk with him as he makes his way towards the courtyard. “Is her fire stronger?”

After the Agni Kai, something broke in Azula. Her blue flames grew weaker, turning to a dull orange before finally snuffing out completely. Losing her fire threw Azula even more over the edge, causing almost a complete breakdown. Zuko did the best he could to help her, but she was often resistant. He tried to connect with her, telling Azula the same thing once happened to him, but she withdrew from him completely, often refusing to look in his eyes when he came to visit. At one point, Zuko debated bringing Azula to the Ran and Shaw, but decided against this. 

“Sparks here and there,” the healer states from next to Zuko. “She’s still not eating as well as she should be, and she’s barely sleeping.”

“I’ll be sure to talk to her,” Zuko says once they reach the courtyard. 

His eyes fall on Azula in the middle of the courtyard meditating. She is facing the entrance, her eyes closed. He watches as she opens one eye to peek at whoever walked in before giving a huff and focusing back on her breathing.

“I’ll take it from here, thank you,” Zuko tells the healer. 

The healer bows as well as she can with the basin in her hands and walks away, leaving Zuko and Azula alone.

“What do you want?” Azula asks, eyes still closed, fists still pressed together.

“Decided to check up on you, that’s all,” Zuko replies, making his way over to her and sitting in front of her, legs crossed. 

Azula opens her eyes, squinting at her brother. “Why? Come to gloat?”

“Azula, it’s been six years, what could I possibly gloat about?” Zuko asks gently. She gets like this sometimes, acting as if time never passed and they are still teenagers destined to tear each other down. Zuko often forgets just how much Azula lost as well. 

Azula does not answer him, just stares. In a way, Zuko misses when Azula refused to talk to him, refused to acknowledge his presence. The first year, Zuko did a lot of talking; he would spill all of his thoughts and feelings to his sister, even though he knew she didn’t care. Now, though she is not the same Azula she once was, she is no longer the shell of her former self. 

“The healer told me you made a spark,” Zuko continues, ignoring Azula’s eye roll. “But she also said you’re not eating or sleeping.”

“I don’t need sleep,” Azula snaps. “I just need fire.”

Zuko shakes his head. “Sleep is essential. You need rest and a healthy diet.”

Azula looks away from Zuko, turning her head so that her nose points upwards much like she used to when they were children. 

“Azula, I want you to get better,” Zuko tells her.

Without looking at him, Azula stands up, running her hands over her tunic to get rid of any wrinkles. It’s then Zuko notices how thin Azula looks, though not as gaunt as the healer made her out to be.

“I know what might cheer you up,” Zuko states, now also standing up. He takes off his robe, and tosses it aside, knowing what Shyu or Iroh might say if they saw him do that.

Azula raises a thin eyebrow. “What?”

“We spar,” Zuko replies, getting into position, fists out and ready. 

Azula scoffs. “I can barely produce a flame and you want to  _ spar _ ? How is that even fair?”

“I remember when it was the other way around,” Zuko smirks, aiming his fist at her and producing a flame that causes Azula to quickly duck and roll out of his way.

Though she was farther away from him now, Zuko can see a twisted grin slowly develop on his sister’s face. He aims another flame, which she deflects easily. 

“Looks like you can still play with fire,” Zuko says, taking a step closer to her. “Use my fire, play off of me.”

Just as Azula goes to open her mouth, Zuko produces another fireball and aims it at her. Quickly, she reaches her hand out, bending it around her and back at Zuko. He grins as he creates a wall of flame, allowing it to fly around him and disappear. Azula stares at her hand.

“You’re still a bender,” Zuko tells her, placing his hands on his hips. “You just need to learn to depend on your surroundings. Once you master that, I’m sure you’ll be able to produce your own flame again.”

“Will I be as strong as I once was?” Azula asks, her voice trembling slightly. 

“I don’t know, Azula,” Zuko replies. 

Azula nods slowly.

“Your highness,” comes a voice from behind Zuko, causing him to turn. 

One of the Kyoshi Warriors is making her way towards him. He misses Azula’s eyes going from hopeful to remorseful. 

“Sir, I have received word that your friends are here,” she tells him.

Zuko’s heart skips a beat. “Ah, yes, thank you. I’ll be right there.”

The Warrior bows as Zuko grabs his robe from the ground and puts it back on. Azula watches him the whole time. 

“You can come if you’d like,” he tells her. “Might be nice to visit home.”

Azula shakes her head. “No, thank you. I do not want to intrude.”

“I’ll be back as soon as I can, then,” Zuko promises. “But I do want you to come home soon. It’s been so long.”

Azula sits where she is, propping her chin on her fist. “Maybe, Zuzu, maybe.”

Zuko gives her one last look before making his way out, meeting the Kyoshi Warriors at the front entrance. The whole walk back to the palace, all Zuko can think of is her.

Zuko is going to tell Katara how he feels and what he did for her. Hopefully, she will feel the same way. 


	15. prettier and younger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Avatar reunion! Katara is still not totally ready to talk with Zuko.

Katara finds herself sitting in between Toph and Aang in the dining room as they wait for Zuko to return to the palace. According to Shyu, he had gone to visit Azula and it seems he lost track of time. 

“Ah, good old Shyu,” Aang, who sits on her left, says once Shyu leaves them alone. “Do you remember him? He’s the one who helped us at the Temple all those years ago.”

“We know, Aang,” Sokka teases. “I feel like we go over this every time we’re here.”

“Oh yeah,” Aang replies, turning red. “Caught in the moment, you know?”

Sokka and Suki laugh as Katara gives Aang a small pat on the arm. 

“Happens to the best of us,” Katara assures him, giving him a warm smile.

“So, Sokka and Suki, talk wedding plans,” Toph says, propping her chin in her hands and looking in the direction of Sokka and Suki. “Will there be drinks and will Sokka cry?”

“Hey!” Sokka exclaims, as Suki covers her mouth to try and stop herself from laughing.

Katara listens as Sokka and Suki share details of their wedding: the when, the where, and the who. Aang chimes in every once in a while to share ideas. Although Katara wants to be present for the conversation, she finds herself struggling to to concentrate on her friends.

It’s been a month since she’s seen Zuko, and she finds herself being more nervous now than she was before seeing him after three years. Maybe it’s because of why she came back, how she is finally going to admit to Zuko why she cannot bear to see him marry another woman. She hopes he will listen to her, reconsider the policy that was forced upon him. Unless he’s already tried and she is going to be met with more heartbreak? Katara hopes it’s not the latter. Still, she finds herself fidgeting with her hands under the table, her friends’ conversation not even reaching her ears.

She’s so caught up in her own thoughts she doesn’t hear the doors open behind her.

“Zuko!” Sokka yells out, jumping up from his seat and running towards Zuko.

“Agni, Sokka,” Zuko replies as Sokka barrels into him, giving him a good natured hug. “I know it’s been a few years, but damn.”

Sokka lets go of Zuko, but not before giving him a clap on the shoulder. “Listen, Zuko, you’ve been busy being Fire Lord, I’ve been busy being Chief. Nothing wrong with a guy missing his friend.”

“No, I suppose not,” Zuko chuckles. 

Suki makes her way towards him, arms open. “What about me, big guy? Can I get a hug, too?”

Zuko smiles at her and gives Suki her hug. “And I suppose I need to offer you both congratulations?”

“Only if you plan on taking a break and attending the wedding when the time comes,” Suki states when Zuko lets go of her. 

“Yeah, you have to make sure you can come! You have months to plan ahead!” Sokka adds, punching Zuko’s arm.

“I’ll come! You don’t need to twist my arm,” he tells them, walking towards his seat at the head of the table, Sokka and Suki behind him to take their seats back.

Katara continues facing forward, but she feels Toph shift next to her. 

“I’m here for you, Katara,” she whispers, taking Katara’s hand in hers. 

Aang pays the two girls no attention as he leans over to join the conversation between the three older friends. No one sees the longing look Zuko gives Katara as lunch is served. 

Sokka does most of the talking throughout lunch, though he does this through a stuffed mouth. It seems like both Aang and Zuko missed Sokka’s antics, as they were both clutching their sides with laughter while Suki just rolled her eyes at him. Toph, for once, is quiet, listening to her friends converse or just reaching over to check on Katara. Katara is thankful for the younger girl at this moment.

Once they are done with lunch, the table is cleared as everyone gets up.

“It’s been so long since we’ve seen the city,” Suki says, grabbing onto Sokka’s arm. “Let’s go on a walk! Sightsee!”

“Sure,” Sokka agrees, wrapping his arm around Suki’s waist and bringing her close. “Sounds like fun. Anyone want to join us?”

“Aang, Katara, and I will,” Toph replies, raising her hand. “And don’t give me shit about ‘sightseeing’, Sokka, I know I can’t see but I like good conversation.” 

“All right, come on then,” Sokka says as everyone walks out of the dining room. 

“Want to see Appa first?” Aang asks as the four walk on ahead.

Zuko grabs Katara’s arm, holding her back. “Hey, can we talk real quick?”

Katara looks ahead at the others, noticing that Toph is the only one who turns around. 

“Can we wait?” she asks, turning back to Zuko. “I… need some time.”

Zuko lets go of her arm and nods. “Yeah, okay. Uh, I have some things to do anyways. We can catch up later.” 

Before she goes to join the others, she remembers why Zuko was late to lunch. “How’s Azula?”

“She’s doing well,” Zuko asks, the corner of his mouth twitching in a smile. “She still can’t produce flames, and she’s lost a lot of weight, but she’s more herself than she’s been in years.” 

“Good,” Katara replies. She turns her head, noticing that only Toph remains. “I should go.”

Zuko watches Katara run to Toph, the younger girl taking Katara’s hand in hers and leading Katara to the others. He can’t help but feel that he missed his shot, but he assures himself that they will catch up later. 

“Maybe now would have been the best time,” Toph whispers to Katara as they catch up to the others who take no notice that they were behind. 

“Maybe,” Katara whispers back. “But I need some time to think.”

Pushing Zuko away is the last thing Katara wants to do, and she cannot seem to forget how broken he looked a month ago in his office when they last talked. 

But she still loves him and she still needs him. And she knows, deep in heart, that Zuko feels the same way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say thank you so much for reading and for all the comments! I know it's not the reunion between Zuko and Katara we wanted, but they need a bit of time before they speak.


	16. collect the bad habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko wants to tell Katara everything.

Unfortunately, Zuko did not get his alone time with Katara like he wanted. He was able to slip away from his Fire Lord duties for the evening and ended up joining the others in the city. Aang begged Zuko to get seats for a new play, which Zuko happily obliged to do. 

“You know what this reminds me of?” Suki asked as they sat in the section reserved for Zuko and crew. 

“What?” Sokka and Katara asked in unison.

“That  _ awful  _ play we watched about ourselves on Ember Island all those years ago,” Suki replied, laughing. 

The others all joined in her laughter, allowing them to enjoy the play just a bit more. Once it was over, everyone went their separate ways to bed. 

Now, Zuko lays in bed, restless once again. He tosses and turns, unable to get comfortable. At one point, he punches his pillow to fluff it up a bit, but even that doesn’t work. Zuko’s not sure what he’s more afraid of when he finally does fall asleep: the nightmares or the pain. Since Katara left, the nightmares worsened. Not that Zuko is surprised really, he expected it to happen. 

Still, Zuko thinks to himself, he’s doing a lot better than he was at the beginning of his reign as Fire Lord. At the end of the war, Zuko remembers the times where he would suddenly wake up, realizing that he did not remember hours worth activities. Shyu and Uncle Iroh assured him that he continued on with his days like normal, but Zuko found himself wracking his memory trying to remember what he did. He remembers there were times he would go weeks without sleeping because the fear of nightmares and night terrors had caused him so much anxiety he thought running on no sleep was the better option. 

It wasn’t until Uncle Iroh finally begged him to see healer almost a full year later that he finally decided to do something about it.

“Physically, there’s nothing wrong,” the healer told him, resting her hands above Zuko’s scar on his chest. “Well, maybe except for this. Though healed properly at the time, it will continue to cause you more discomfort.” 

“Then what’s wrong with me?” Zuko asked, sitting up as the healer took her hands away. 

“I believe it’s more mental,” she told him, sitting down across from him. “Stress, anxiety. If untreated, then it can cause even more harm. Unfortunately, we’re not as advanced in the studies of mental illnesses than we are of physical illnesses. It is something we’re hoping to study more to help people like you who are struggling in this way.”

“Okay, so what can I do?” Zuko asked her. “My memory is shot right now and the night terrors are worse.”

“I can give you something to help you sleep, maybe recommend some physical activities you can do, but once I find out more, I’ll let you know,” she had told him.

That was almost five years ago, and Zuko feels like he’s improved greatly, though he still struggles. He no longer has those long periods of time where he does not remember anything, and he’s more fit than he was. It’s the sleeping aspect that he still struggles with.

He looks out his window, the moonlight of a crescent moon barely shining through it. He can’t help but think of Katara, imagining her talking to Yue and asking for advice. Foolishly, Zuko wonders if that might work for him too. So, he gets out of his bed and makes his way towards the doors to his balcony. Once outside, he leans on the railing looking up.

“Uh, hey, Yue,” he says tentatively. “This is definitely really stupid, considering I’m, you know, Fire Nation. I pray to spirits like Agni, but I’ve been told you’re a pretty good listener?”

Yue doesn’t respond. 

Zuko clicks his tongue. “So, real quick, sorry about all those years ago when I kind of snuck into the Northern Water Tribe and took Aang away. Oh, and I know this wasn’t me, but I’m sorry about Commander Zhao killing the moon spirit. I mean, because of him you’re… well, yeah.”

The moon stares back at him, but Zuko feels like he can almost hear her laughing. 

“I need your help,” he tells her, running his hand through his long hair. “There’s this girl. Well, you know her. It’s Katara. I know you guys were friendly, right?”

Zuko is sure the moon shines just a tad bit brighter at that.

“Well, I hurt her the last time she was here,” Zuko continues. He no longer feels as foolish. “And I was able to solve the problem I was facing, but I’m not sure how to tell her. I know she feels the same way about me, but I’m not sure she’s willing to risk what she has for me. Does that make sense?”

Zuko pauses, the moon listening closely. 

“So, what should I do?” he asks, leaning forward. “I have to tell her, but what if she takes it badly? I mean, sure the worst thing that can happen is she says no. But what if this ruins our friendship? She’s been one of my best friends for the past six years, I can’t lose that! Then again, I did take lightning for her, so we’re bonded, right? I think there’s something keeping us together.”

The moon does not reply, but Zuko can tell she’s listening.

“I feel like you’re laughing at me,” Zuko says. “I’m spiraling because of you, this is all your fault!” 

He feels like Yue is mocking him, but Zuko doesn’t mind. In a way, it’s comforting. 

“I should go to her, right?” Zuko asks. “Tell her that the Council and Fire Sages will allow me to marry a woman from another nation and that I choose her. I mean, she can say no. I don’t want her to, but she can. Gah! I’m too young for this shit!”

_ Just go to her _ , a voice whispers in his ear. 

Zuko looks up, trying to find the source of the voice. But his balcony is empty. He’s the only one there. He looks up at the moon again, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Go to her,” he repeats to himself. “Go to her.”

The moon stays silent this time, but Zuko knows what to do. 

He runs back into his room, grabbing his robe and tying it around himself loosely, before running out to the halls. Zuko stands in the middle for a bit trying to decide if now really is the best time before finally turning in the direction of the guest quarters. A guard stares at him as he starts to speed walk through, but Zuko just holds a hand up.

“None of your concern, I’m fine,” Zuko tells him. But before he goes any further, he goes up to the guard, grabbing the man’s shoulder and pulling him close to him. “If you tell anyone you saw me, there will be consequences.”

“Yes, your highness,” the guard swallows. 

Zuko lets go and turns around again, making his way down the hall. A left, then another left. A fork in the road: a right maybe? Zuko hits his forehead. How stupid he is to forget where to go in his own palace. Something tells him to go right, so he does, hoping for the best.

He’s about halfway there when he runs into something. Or someone.

“Ow! Hey!” she yells, stumbling backwards.

“Katara?” Zuko exclaims, reaching out and grabbing her wrist to keep her from falling. 

“Zuko?” she responds as he holds her steady.

Their eyes meet, and Katara pulls her hand away from Zuko, rubbing her wrist with her other hand.

“Sorry, did I hurt you?” he asks, taking a step forward. 

Katara keeps still. “A little.”

“Sorry,” Zuko repeats, afraid to reach out and touch her again. 

Katara doesn’t reply, just looks down at her feet as she continues to rub her wrist.

“Uh, I was coming to see you,” Zuko tells her awkwardly, shuffling his feet. “And now that we're just standing here, I feel like I might have made a mistake.”

Katara just shakes her head. “No, I was coming to see  _ you _ .”

“Why?” Zuko asks, raising his eyebrow. “I thought… well, I thought you were mad at me.”

“No, I’m not mad at you, Zuko,” she says quietly, finally looking back up at him. Zuko can’t help but notice that instead of anger, like he expected, Katara looks sad. Broken. Worn down. 

“Okay,” is all he can say.

Katara sighs and let’s go of her wrist, now reaching for Zuko and grabbing his hand. She pulls him away from the middle of the hallway and towards one of the pillars on the side. It’s a good thing too, because they both hear a guard coming down the hallway. Zuko moves Katara closer behind the pillar and shields her, putting a finger to his lips. They both watch as the unsuspecting guard walks down the hall and away from them without saying a word. 

“We’re not children,” Katara whispers. “And you’re the Fire Lord. I think you can be walking around your own palace in the dead of night.”

Zuko turns to look back at her. “Maybe so, but the guards have been talking and I can’t risk your reputation like that.”

Katara turns bright red at Zuko’s words, and he can’t help but to laugh. She gives him a light slap before leaning over around him to check the hallway. 

“He’s gone, Katara, don’t worry,” Zuko tells her, stifling his laugh. 

“Oh, it’s not  _ my  _ honor I’m worried about,” she teases, grinning up at him. “It’s  _ yours _ .”

Zuko puts a hand to his heart. “Always looking out, thank you so much.”

It’s then he realizes just how close she’s standing to him, her body pressed up against his when there is absolutely no need for her to be. Zuko is sure she can feel his heart racing through his chest, but she gives no intimation that she can sense his discomfort.

“We should go somewhere else,” he says finally, but he still cannot move.

Katara nods. “Okay.”

Zuko wills himself to finally back away from her and he checks the hallway one more time. Taking her hand in his, he leads her back to his quarters.

“Really, Zuko?” she whispers to him. “Back to your quarters?”

“Hey, do you want to get caught or not?” he retorts, earning him another slap from Katara. 

Luckily, they don’t run into any more guards on the way back to Zuko’s quarters and they slip in undetected. Katara notices the slightly open balcony doors and goes to them, opening them up all the way and staring outside.

“I guess I forgot to close them before I left,” Zuko says, sidling up next to her. “We can go out there if you’d like?”

Instead of answering, Katara just steps out and goes to stand where Zuko once stood. He comes up next to her, close enough that their shoulders are touching. Katara raises her chin, closing her eyes and allowing the small amount of moonlight to wash over her as Zuko tries his best not to stare at her.

“Why were you coming to see me?” he asks. “You know, if you’re not mad at me?”

Katara opens her eyes and looks at him, her cheeks flushing just so. “Well, um, being home wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be.”

“No?” Zuko asks, bumping his shoulder to hers. “Why not?”

“I was surrounded by my family, yet still felt alone,” Katara explains. “I don’t know how to explain it really, but all I know is that once Sokka and Suki leave I have no idea what I am going to do.”

“That sounds hard,” Zuko replies. Her hands rest on the balcony railing and Zuko is tempted to reach out and take one, but he is able to resist. 

“Also, you were right,” Katara states, her face still flushed.

“About?”

“Waking up next to someone who understands you is better than nothing,” Katara tells him, reaching out with her hand and resting it on his arm. 

“What do you mean?” he asks, though he thinks he knows what she’s talking about.

“Being with you,” Katara sighs, “I felt more like myself in a while. I mean, that sounds really weird, because you’re not the one that's fixing me.”

“You’ve never needed me to fix you, Katara,” Zuko tells her earnestly, her hand slowly making its way down his arm. “You’ve been putting the pieces of yourself back together for a while, I’m just there to help you when you ask.”

Katara grins at that. “I guess so. But even so, I just can’t thank you enough for understanding me even when I don’t understand myself.”

“The same goes for you,” Zuko says. “You gave me so many chances, but you also made me work to earn your respect and trust. I don’t think I’d be the man I am today if it weren’t for you.”

Katara sighs deeply, her hand moving towards Zuko’s chest. Slowly, she moves his loose robe aside, peering at the scar that lay beneath it. Her hand is cold when she rests it against his scar, and Zuko feels himself shiver slightly. 

“You know, it’s been six years and I don’t think I ever asked why you sacrificed yourself for me,” she says timidly, her eyes fixated on the scar. 

“I think the answer is pretty obvious, Katara,” Zuko says, resting his hand on top of hers and looking down at her. 

He watches her bite her lip before her eyes slowly meet his. They stand there, the moon watching over them as if urging them to make a move. 

“Show me then,” Katara finally whispers.

Tentatively, Zuko leans down, Katara standing on tiptoes to meet him halfway. Unlike last time, Zuko doesn’t catch Katara by surprise when their lips meet, and she melts into him once again. His arms snake around her waist, pulling her closer to him just as her arms find their way around his neck. 

She’s everything he expected her to be: soft and warm, yet passionate and desirable at the same time. He can tell by the way her arms tighten around his neck that she feels the same way. There’s no jumping back with surprise, no terrified look in her face when they finally pull apart; just a look of content. 

Zuko places his forehead against hers, closing her eyes as they stand there.

“Please stay,” he asks her again. 

“Just for tonight,” Katara replies, her hand gently stroking Zuko’s hair. 

“Forever?” 

He hears Katara take a slow, deep breath in before she answers. “Let’s get through the night first.”

Zuko opens his eyes and nods. “Okay.”

He lets go of her waist and takes both her hands in his, leading her back inside and towards his bed. He lets her settle in first before sliding in next to her, wrapping his arms around her protectively. Katara rests her head against his chest, eyes shuttering closed with drowsiness. 

Once he is sure she is asleep, Zuko gently kisses the top of her head.

“I love you, Katara,” he whispers.

He’s sure he sees Katara smile in her sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Giving myself a little chuckle trying to imagine Zuko talking to Yue. Thank you all for reading, and for the comments and kudos! Much love and have a happy weekend. :)


	17. eyes the size of baby worlds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko tells Katara about he was able to sway his Council's decision.

Katara is the first to wake up the next morning.

Which is unusual considering she’s in the bed of a firebender and he has the whole ‘I rise with the sun’ attitude about him. 

Still, Katara carefully adjusts herself so that Zuko’s arms are no longer wrapped as tightly around her as they were. She moves herself up, propping herself up on her elbow to stare at the boy in front of her. 

Man, not boy. 

How much changed in the last six years. 

At first, Katara felt no different at the end of the war, but soon, as time wore on, Katara started to sense that change, but she never acknowledged it. It wasn’t until recently, when Toph and Sokka brought to her attention just how much different she had become that Katara finally began to accept herself: no longer as whole and less willing to show emotion. 

But showing emotion tells your enemy that you are weak, and Katara cannot risk showing weakness again. That’s what almost got her killed. That’s what almost got her friends killed. That’s what almost got the person she loved killed. 

Being with Zuko is different, she thinks to herself. He allows her to be vulnerable so that he may glimpse inside of her. Like he said the night before, he’s not the one to put her back together, she does that herself. Zuko is there to guide her, to take her hand and jump into the cold water with her head on as they try to navigate their complicated emotions. He, too, is complicated, so different from what he once was. No longer a banished prince who only cared about his honor, but a man ruling a nation torn apart by war. 

Now what does this mean for them?

Noticing a piece of hair in Zuko’s face, Katara carefully reaches out and moves it aside, her finger brushing his cheek as she did. His nose twitches a bit before he slowly opens his eyes. When he notices her staring, he grins shyly.

“Morning,” he says, sitting up next to her. “How are you up before me?”

“No idea,” Katara answers, grinning back. “How did you sleep?”

Zuko stretches his arms up above his head, yawning widely. 

“I’ll take that as well,” Katara laughs, giving Zuko a light poke in the ribs. He catches her hand in his, holding it tightly as he sticks his tongue out at her.

“What about you?” he asks, stroking her thumb with his.

“Better than I have in a while,” Katara admits, watching his thumb against hers. “I should probably leave though, you know, to avoid the guards.”

“Ah, well, you should know something then,” Zuko says, slightly turning red. “The guards talk and most of my Council know about this.”

Katara groans, letting go of Zuko’s hand and sliding under the sheets, throwing them over her head.

Zuko chuckles, poking at her until she pops back up.

“That’s so embarrassing,” she says, peeking out from under the sheets. “I bet they assume the worst?”

“Probably,” Zuko replies, giving a shrug. “Uh, I’m sorry about that. I told them it wasn’t anything sexual, but they don’t seem to believe me.”

Katara groans again and hides under the covers. Her voice is muffled when she says, “It’s not your fault.”

She hears Zuko sigh and all of a sudden he’s moving the sheets from over her. 

“I bet this made  _ you  _ look bad, too?” she asks, looking up at him, her cheeks hot. “Mai’s probably pissed too.”

“Why would she be mad?” he asks as Katara sits back up. “Why does she even need to know?”

“Aren’t you…” The rest of the question dies on Katara’s lips. She doesn’t want to bring herself to say anything, especially if it affects Zuko.

Zuko shakes his head. “No.”

“No?” 

“No,” Zuko repeats, moving closer to her.

Katara isn’t sure how to proceed next. Does she ask what he means? Does she beg him to love her like she loves him? She can feel her heart racing under her ribcage as Zuko moves closer to her, wrapping his arms around her and holding her against his chest. The way she is positioned, her cheek lies on top of his scar; the very scar he got because of her. 

“I talked to the Fire Sages and the Council,” Zuko explains. “I was able to convince them that I don’t  _ need  _ to marry Fire Nation nobility. Of course, everything is seen as political, so if I marry someone from another nation, it will be viewed as an alliance to the eyes of the people. They won’t really know the difference though.” 

“Zuko, are we having this conversation right now?” she asks, moving her head slightly so that she can look up at him. 

“Hey, do you want to stew all morning through breakfast, wait until I’m done with everything I need to do, through lunch and dinner?” he teases, giving her a squeeze.

“I mean, it’s a fair point,” Katara replies, smiling regardless. 

“I don’t know if I can handle you leaving again, Katara,” he tells her earnestly. “You make me feel whole again, you’ve helped me more in the past few weeks than any healer or advisor ever has.”

“And what would I do in the Fire Nation?” she asks him. She’s unsure, tentative, cautious. Show no emotion, your enemy will see you as weak. 

“Anything you want,” Zuko answers. “Help out in hospitals, serve on Councils, make policies…”

“Be with you?” she adds carefully, feeling him out.

Zuko swallows. “Yes.”

Katara moves away from his chest so that she is level with him, her eyes meeting his. He looks worried, as cautious as she does. 

“I took a page out of your book last night,” he tells her, not elebaorting anymore on Katara staying in the Fire Nation.

“What do you mean?” she asks him, watching as he moves his hair out of his eyes.

“I spoke to Yue last night,” he says, his tone embarrassed, as if he is a child who was caught sneaking desserts before dinner.

Katara starts to laugh, causing Zuko’s eyes to widen.

“Hey! You’re the one who said it helps!” he exclaims, giving her a light shove.

“Well, did it help then?” she asks, shoving him back. 

Zuko studies her, eyes mapping her out before finally falling on her mouth and moving up her eyes. 

“I think it might have,” Zuko replies.

Before she can ask him to elaborate, he gets up out of the bed moving towards the balcony. 

“Should I leave?” she asks him, her hands gripping the sheets. 

He stares outside the doors for a while before turning back to face her. 

“I don’t want you to,” he replies, “but maybe… maybe we can discuss this more later? Like you suggested?”

Katara nods and slowly gets out of the bed, Zuko watching her from the side. As she makes her way to the door, Zuko clears his throat.

“I want to talk to you after breakfast,” he says. “Meet me in the turtleduck courtyard?”

Katara smiles and gives him a small bow. “Yes, your highness.”

Zuko laughs as she turns away and opens the door.

“And watch out for guards!” he warns playfully. 

“Don’t worry,” she teases. “I’ll be sure to tell them every  _ dirty _ little detail.”

The last thing she hears as she walks into the hall is Zuko’s boisterous laugh. Walking down the hall, Katara tries to remember the last time Zuko laughed that hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have about 2 more chapters left of this. Chapter 18, of course, will finally bring us to confessions. Chapter 19 will probably be a small epilogue (I'm still writing it, so we'll see how it pans out!). 
> 
> Again, thank you all for reading and commenting!


	18. couldn't bear to keep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko and Katara finally admit their feelings.

Zuko’s heart races throughout breakfast at the thought of possibly proposing to Katara. Well, maybe not  _ propose  _ to her, but at least tell her he loves her and offer her the possibility of staying in the Fire Nation with him.

Okay, so maybe he is going to ask her to marry him, though he’s not sure if either of them are ready. He just wants to tell her how he feels, see if she might agree with him. But it would be selfish of him to ask her to never leave him again, wouldn’t it? What if she wants to continue to travel the world? What if she wants to stay home and help her people? Of course, he can’t force her to do anything she does not want to do. He will respect any decision she comes to, but he cannot hold his feelings in any longer. 

Zuko needs to tell her, actually tell her, how he feels. No ‘I think it’s obvious’ or gentle touches or kisses. He needs to speak his feelings out loud, make them heard. Sure, Shyu knows and Aang knows; Zuko had no problem admitting how he feels to them. But the one he speaks of? Well, he thinks he might want to jump in front lightning again rather than say admit it out loud. 

But Katara is his friend, his  _ best  _ friend. She’s the one who understands every little bit of him, even if it took her time to figure him out. Back in Ba Sing Se, she held her hand out to him, offered to heal the scar on his face, and showed him  _ kindness _ . Then he turned around and betrayed her, left her to defend Aang as his sister struck him down with lightning. Though she was hesitant, unwilling really, to let him back in, she slowly accepted him. And once she did? She welcomed him with open arms, willing to share every small detail of herself with him. 

In the past six years, Katara is the one he had the most communication with. She’s the one he reached out to whenever he needed advice. The past year had been hard since Katara had been all over the world, and it was often hard to pin her down. 

“Zuko?” Sokka says from the seat next to him. “You in there, buddy?”

Zuko blinks and looks at Sokka, trying to reenter the conversation. “Yeah, sorry. What were you saying?”

“I was saying that there’s a marketplace down at the base of the caldera,” Sokka explains. “I asked what you thought of it?”

“Oh, I haven’t really been there,” Zuko answers, rubbing the back of his neck. “But I’ve heard good things.”

“Great!” Sokka says, looking at Suki. “Adventure today?”

“Sure,” Suki replies, smiling warmly at Sokka and placing a hand on his. “That sounds nice.”

Zuko’s heart aches in longing as he watches the two of them. 

“Aang and I are going to spar,” Toph says, crossing her arms. 

“We are?” Aang asks, looking over at Toph. “I don’t think I agreed to this.”

“Too bad, Twinkle Toes,” Toph replies, smirking at Aang. “It’s been a while and I want to make sure the Avatar still knows how to earth bend.”

“Fair enough,” Aang says, grinning himself. He turns to Zuko and Katara. “What about you guys?”

“I have…” Zuko starts, but he’s cut off by Sokka.

“Things to do,” Sokka finishes giving Zuko a punch to the shoulder.

Zuko rubs his shoulder, but nods. “Yeah. That.”

The group finishes with breakfast and begins to go their separate ways. Sokka and Suki head back towards their room to grab their money and anything else they need for their adventure in town. Meanwhile, Aang and Toph race towards the sparring area, Aang easily taking over Toph since he’s so much taller. Zuko spots Katara watching them, a tiny grin on her face. 

“What are you thinking?” Zuko asks, coming up next to her as they begin to walk out the door. 

Katara looks up at him. “Just watching them, that’s all.”

Zuko nods as if understanding. He clears his throat. “Uh, should we walk then?”

“Is that not what we’re doing?” Katara teases, bumping her shoulder to Zuko. 

Zuko grins and continues walking alongside Katara, hoping that she cannot sense his beating heart and the nerves in his voice. They walk in silence, their steps matching. It takes everything in him not to grab Katara’s hand, especially when there are so many guards around watching. He sees one narrow his eyes in curiosity, but Zuko shoots him a look that earns him a low bow. 

At the courtyard, Zuko leads Katara towards the bench, Katara sitting on his right just like Aang did a week ago. 

“So, your advisors say you don’t have to marry Fire Nation nobility?” Katara asks, breaking the silence. “How did you convince them of that?”

“It wasn’t easy,” Zuko replies, hands fiddling with the edge of his robe. “But in the end, they saw my point of view.”

“And Mai?” Katara emphasizes. “How did she take it?”

Zuko sighs. “Honestly, Katara, I don’t think she really wanted to marry me to begin with.”

“Harsh,” Katara states, nose scrunching up in sympathy. She gives him a reassuring pat on the arm as well. 

“She saw this whole thing as a political move,” Zuko explains. “To her, my Council and the Fire Sages saw her as a pawn in a game, necessary for ‘producing an heir to the Fire Nation’ and bullshit like that.” 

“I can see why she would hate that,” Katara agrees. “And arranged marriage to someone you’re not really sure you love probably isn’t ideal.”

Zuko chuckles. “No, it’s not. So I told the Fire Sages and the councilmembers I won’t do it. I won’t marry for political reasons, I want to marry for love.”

“You said no matter it will be viewed as political,” Katara says gently, her hand still on Zuko’s arm. 

“Perhaps,” Zuko agrees, “but that’s if she’s someone from another nation.” 

Katara is quiet at that, and Zuko can almost see the wheels turning in her head.

“I need to-” he starts.

“Zuko, there’s something-” Katara begins.

They both stop, grinning awkwardly at the fact they both tried to speak at the same time. 

“You first,” he says, motioning with his hand. “I’ve been speaking too much.”

“There’s something I need to tell you,” Katara sighs, her eyes not meeting his. “Something that I’ve been feeling for a long time.”

“Okay,” Zuko says, feeling Katara’s hand grip his arm. 

Katara finally meets his eyes, her cheeks flushed. She opens her mouth, as if struggling to find the words.

“Katara, if you don’t want to say,” Zuko assures her, placing his hand over hers.

“No, I want to,” Katara tells him, then taking a shaky breath. “Like I said last night, I feel more like myself when I’m around you. You’ve helped me in so many ways, and I know you’re not fixing me, but I don’t know how to explain how deeply appreciative I am of you and your support. You’ve shown me how strong I am, made me feel seen and appreciated and wanted, held me when I cried. When I feel broken, you help me put the pieces back together.”

She takes another deep breath.

“I’ve been pushing away my feelings for a while now,” Katara continues. “I keep pushing them all down hoping that one day I’ll wake up and just stop feeling any emotion, and when that day comes, I’ll finally be able to move on. But that’s not the case, is it? I felt so lost, so unsure of myself. But being here, with you, helping you and your people… I feel like I have something to hold on to. Does that make sense?”

“Yes, I think so,” Zuko replies. 

“I think… I think I’ve loved you for a while now,” Katara admits, letting out a sigh of relief as she does. “I don’t know how long, but the feeling has always been there. I ran away when you told me about possibly marrying Mai because I was scared. I like control, and with you… well, we’ve never really been in control of anything, have we?”

Zuko can’t help but chuckle when he agrees with her. 

“So, that’s what I wanted to say,” Katara states. “That I’m completely and totally in love with you, and I want you to fight for me.”

“I never stopped fighting for you, Katara,” Zuko says, now placing a hand on her cheek and gently stroking under her eye with his thumb. “As soon as you left I went to my Council.”

“You did?” Katara asks, eye widening with surprise. “I didn’t know that.”

Zuko gives her a small smile. “No, how would you? But I went to them. I argued that I should be allowed to marry whoever. Because I love  _ you,  _ Katara. I always have. Since Ba Sing Se, I’ve loved you. Because you saw  _ me _ . Not a banished prince or a refugee of war: me. You showed me a kindness that I only received from my Uncle until that point. And when I hurt you? I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

She doesn’t stop staring at him as he continues speaking.

“I would like to continue fighting for you, for  _ us _ ,” Zuko continues. “Only if you’d let me, of course. But I also want you to know that I respect any decision you make.”

“I want to make this work,” she replies, taking his hand from her cheek and holding it in her hand. She holds it so tightly, like she’s scared Zuko may disappear at any moment. 

“And you don’t need to stay here all the time,” Zuko tells her. “I just… I want  _ you,  _ Katara. You and only you.”

Katara continues squeezing his hand, slowly closing her eyes as she mulls over what Zuko told her. Zuko stares at her, watching her breath in deeply and thoughtfully. 

He’s always loved her more than words can say. Of course, when he was a teenager, he didn’t know it was love that he felt. All he knew, deep in his heart, was that he needed Katara and he would do anything he could to make her happy. 

So, sitting here with her, his heart on his sleeve, he thinks back to when he first met her. All the way back in the South Pole as she tried to defend her people. Zuko thinks about their ups and downs, the misleadings and distrust. He thinks about her eyes, the venom they shot at him when he tried so hard to be good for once. Then he remembers the softness of her eyes once she finally accepted him, embracing him in her arms and holding him so tightly he almost lost his breath. 

Katara opens her eyes, looking up at Zuko. “I want to be with you. I want a future with you. But…”

“But?” Zuko asks, pretty sure his heart stops beating in his chest.  _ But? _

Katara laughs. “Can we just be a couple first? No marriage right away. I just want to make sure that we’re serious. That this is something we can continue fighting for.”

Zuko can’t help but sigh in relief. “Yes, I understand that. I don’t want you to resent having to stay in one place for all of time.”

“I really appreciate that,” Katara states. “But yes, Zuko. I want to be with you and only you, too. Because you make me just as happy, and I know what whatever we do, we’ll work through it together.”

As soon as she finishes, Zuko leans over and places a gentle kiss on her lips. She kisses him back tenderly. This time, there is no fear, no panic behind their stolen kisses. For now they know that nothing can break them apart. 

“So, I’m going to have to explain to the Council that they’re going to have to wait for a wedding,” Zuko teases once they pull away. 

“Good luck with that one,” Katara replies, grinning widely. “If you need me there to help out, let me know.”

“Yeah, that way if something happens to me,  _ you  _ can be the one to explain it all,” he replies, giving her a light shove.

Katara laughs again, throwing her arms around him tightly. He hugs her back, just happy to have her in his arms.

“Thank you, Katara,” he whispers.

“For what?” she asks.

“For coming back,” Zuko answers. “I don’t blame you for running away, but I’m happy you gave me another chance.”

“I’ll always give you another chance, Zuko,” she replies, grinning up at him. “I think that’s kind of our thing, huh?”

Zuko chuckles. “Yeah. Kind of our thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing! I have a short epilogue coming up that I'm currently working on. Once I'm happy with it, I'll post it (hopefully that's soon)! Thank you again for reading and for all the comments and kudos!


	19. setting in a honeymoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just short 700 word epilogue.

Katara and Zuko are officially together for a bit over two years before they decide to marry.

Before this, though, just as they promised each other, they spend their time apart. 

Katara goes home to the South Pole to help Sokka and their father build the tribe, to train waterbenders, and to heal the sick. She also continues traveling to different settlements of the Earth Kingdom just as she did before. 

Zuko stays in the Fire Nation, Katara visiting as often as she can. When she is there, she is sure to be present for all Council meetings and she helps Zuko tirelessly with different bills and policies. She spends long nights with Zuko in his office, which Zuko adores her for. Katara also convinces Zuko to take minivactions when needed, such as visiting Uncle Iroh in Ba Sing Se or going to Ember Island to relax. Sometimes, the two go with Aang to the budding Republic City to help build the government. 

Shyu and Min are the most supportive of Zuko and Katara’s relationship, knowing not just how much the two love each other, but how much they need the other. Other council members and Fire Sages quickly take to Katara as well, appreciating the fire in the waterbender’s eyes when she speaks passionately about the people she cares about. Even Nyahitha develops a fondness for the Southern Water Tribe girl, often making gibes at her just to see what insane plans she may come up with. Of course, Katara develops ideas and plans that the council members cannot argue with, much to Zuko’s amusement. 

Only Hiratao remains unimpressed, though neither Zuko or Katara really care. 

Though his people were confused at first, wondering why their Fire Lord was not with Fire Nation nobility, they grew fond of her. Katara is kind, compassionate, and welcoming. Despite struggling in the eyes of the people at first, she soon learned to stop caring what people thought of her; she was most happy when she was helping others. 

When they are apart, of course they miss each other. But those times apart just make them fall more deeply in love. 

Their wedding is a night to behold, with all of their friends present. 

Sokka and Suki with their daughter, Miki, a spitfire one year old who is showered with love and adoration by her parents, aunt, and friends. 

Aang and Toph, who developed a closer friendship in the past two years, leading to, what everyone assumes, a relationship. 

Hakoda and Gran Gran, smiling so much Katara is sure their cheeks must hurt.

Uncle Iroh, who cries throughout the whole ceremony and then embraces his nephew and niece in a giant hug that crushes both of them. 

Even Azula, who looks at her brother with so much warmth no one would have guessed that they once tried to kill each other.

Once officially married, Katara stays in the Fire Nation more often, but still she travels all around the world, whether for herself or for the duty of the Fire Nation. Of course, the marriage is still seen as political, but no one can deny the love the Fire Lord and Fire Lady have for each other. 

After a year and a half of marriage, they welcome their daughter, Izumi. Very quickly, both Zuko and Katara are wrapped around their daughter’s little finger, doting on her as much as possible. So Izumi grows with parents who love and care for her, and who bring her on all of their different adventures. 

Zuko can no longer remember years ago when he was almost forced into an arranged marriage that he did not want. Katara can no longer remember the heartbreak she once felt for a man she always loved. Slowly, they fixed themselves, becoming better versions with each passing year. The scar that resides on Zuko’s chest still hurts occasionally, and they both still have nightmares, but they have each other now, and that is all that matters. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be 100% honest with you guys and say I don't LOVE the epilogue, and I may end up rewriting it. 
> 
> But, I hope you enjoyed the rest of the story. Thank you again for reading! Your comments and kudos kept me going! If you have any suggestions for a future fic, drop them in the comments!


End file.
